Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5

Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5

Other emotional points

With the end of stomach point, I identified other emotions that would relate to my hot flashes, such as irritation and anxiety which related to my everyday life activities. They would involve in very immediate environment stimuli and the reaction would start from a bigger area of my body above from the middle chest and back area to the middle of my head region and I would feel the heat slowly emerged from this part. It’s quite similar with type of hot flash with the plain heat, but it can be sensed that there was an uncomfortable emotional source which starts the whole thing.

When I found these situations that different types of emotions would relate to the immediate environment stimuli or situations easily to be ignored in the busy life, from just a sight of something, or a very quick perception of the mind that I were not aware of and there even has no thought involved then the next thing inevitable is the setting off of the hot flash, and from the observation I felt the panic towards my process, I figured this is the kind of mind reactions as physical backchat happened in the quantum mind and quantum physical levels described in the quantum mind interview series of EQAFE, but how I can do anything to stop the reaction processes from those things seemed randomly occurred around me now and then? God knows how much countless things are there waiting really? Is it possible for me to walk through them all?

However I also see at least the good news is that through my hot flash experiences I proved there are things there reveal themselves for me and thus I got chances to do something with them, better than just sitting there and do nothing and react to what is there actually supporting me, thus I decided to on the one hand to even slower my movement and thus to face the irritation mind structure within me, and on the other hand to trace back and recording those stimuli and instances from the environment while I experience those hot flashes, they would be like when I was measuring some proportions; picking something from a pile of things; dealing with a puzzle; reading some information without understanding; a kind of exhibiting way of a store, and so on. Thus the next time before I go into the similar environments or join these similar activities I can remain myself to breath and focus on the physical reality.

And yes, it also worked, at least for those I can identified circumstances I can just slow and calm down myself from rush into them and thus prevent the irritations and thus the hot flash happening, and from what has been worked successfully, I got more confidence to keep on going dealing with these mind patterns.

To be continue…

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Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4

Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4

My stomach point

Remember I described about how my stomach ulcer also became an initial point for episodes of hot flash within which I would sense a burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach? So, in the next session of Kinesiology I asked about my stomach point.

I had ulcer since I was 13, and since that it seemed I never really fully recovered from that, and it is always like having some level of mild ulcer, and this situation also makes me not easy to sense the changes and different emotions on solar plexus. Beside that I also have gastritis like once a year. However, for dealing with all the stomach experiences for such a long time, I was sort of used to it and getting along with it quite alright.

What was testing out in kinesiology is that it's in relation to the thoughts from violent, nasty and superior nature in my mind that I react to with judgment and suppression, so the stomach problems would be a consequence of my judging and hiding of those thoughts coming up in my conscious mind, and furthermore, I became addicted to an over active mode as a self-compromising way to deal with the pattern, for example, I would act too fast and effective to correct my action towards the nature that I want to hide, thus I didn’t slow down enough to see the process of the pattern and change the judgment and suppression entirely, and within it, I realized quite interestingly, there is such pattern as over correction and over action which are still mind functions that imply suppression and self-judgment.

What I had being quite known about my stomach history is that it was coming from how my family adults made efforts to oppress my temper since I was a kid and how I nurture the mind in trying hard getting all the evidences to fight back that I was better and right during my growing process, and obviously I still didn’t gave up the self-judgment towards those personalities and thus I was still confirming and defining myself as that was who I am, so fortunately now I got the feedback from kinesiology to see how I need to still working on it and to make absolute decision.

And for the part of self-compromising on over active, I now can be more aware of from the introspection of the instances of how I had activated the pattern in a hasting pace within working environment in the near past, and within it I see how the whole pattern can be activated and done within seconds within which I didn’t allow myself to see and only left the sudden painful stomach there as consequence and then I realized how it is this wave of ulcer as consequence coming from, so I can then through the realization dealing with the pattern.

However, since I was in the summer vacation the work load was much less then, the pattern didn’t have much effect on my stomach, and after I also had dealt with the stomach with watching my diet and the treatment of camellia oil, with the gradually alleviated symptom, the hot flash pattern of the stomach point was also gone.

To be continue…

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Day 610—How I use my hot flash to support myself 3

Day 610—How I use my hot flash to support myself 3

Kinesiology  

In the session of Kinesiology the Kinesiologist told me that in relation to my hormone problem, what tested out was that mostly it has something to do with my internal conversation in relation to a specific person which is my father, and those backchats towards and in relation to my father are charged with positive feelings as well as negative emotions and those emotions also been tested out is insensitive, reserved, weary, cold, uncaring and unresponsive, which already become my own emotions patterns through copying and learning from and with my father to protect myself as a protection mechanism and those are located in the mind level of subconscious, unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical.

Within the session I also crossed reference and clarified some other questions related to hot flash and thus I knew the intensity and duration would be influenced by the level of what is going on in the mind that I am participating and believing in my backchat. And I also confirmed the royal jelly and exercise is helping, also I can massage my foot to ground myself, and I got some suggestions of EQAFE interviews to support my process.

I was quite astonished and excited to know all these information at once, and with the backchat in relation to my father I recalled not long ago I had a thought about he didn’t response to my recent sickness with a slight of those emotions attached to it and also some memories of my childhood, however I actually dealt with the major conflicts and emotions towards my father in my teenage years and that had made us quite in an equal communicated relationship for a long time already.

Then I realized, yes, those emotions and personalities has become me already, and that belongs to one of my major personalities and for recent two years since I am actively making friends and finding potential partners and which is quite an emotional process…, so obviously, I had applied those mind patterns to those potential partner relationships, it could be the reason my hot flash was getting serious and it is clear that I still had quite some mind patterns need to face and to stop the relevant thoughts and memories and thus solve problems with my relationship and my body conditions.

Now I got the names and clues of emotions related to my relationships and personalities which manifested as the backchat in the mind, so every time when the hot flash coming, I can be more easily aware of and trace back to the internal conversations and imaginations in my mind that had things to do with the emotions and relationship personalities.

It is quite an interesting journey for me to investigate and analyze all the connections and sources, and I also in the end of a day wrote down the memories I can assess to those thoughts and emotions, and within the realization I deconstruct and do self-forgiveness and commit myself to stop those internal conversation towards those relationships. Since I had dealt with my relationships for years, it is now more easy and effective, although there are still some of the hot flash that I don’t have clear clue where they are coming from, however merely doing this part had already reduced some of the occurrences, so the hot flash pattern everyday new become the immediate feedback point for how effective I can dealt with and stop the relationship patterns.

To be continue……

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Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2

Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2

My observations

Then I gradually found sometimes this depression burst becoming the very first part of my hot flash, well perhaps it’s always is but I didn’t notice that because in the beginning the hot flash was not so matured and strong enough. Then I wanted to just stop it like those successful situations but found I actually cannot stop it and had to wait until the whole body heat walked its own period. Since I had walked my process and become more aware of my body, I decided to observe it closer and took notes about the occurrences.

I started to note down every occurrence of the hot flash, includes the time, the environment, the duration, and the intensity, and it’s about a dozen times a day and a couple of times at night and it would wake me up now and then, and it sometimes strong and long but sometimes weak and short, however, I didn’t found the connection with the environment except the hot temperature but had this feeling that it might has something to do with what I am thinking, but for me those things happened in my head are the memories of old things, new ones, plans, coming and going one after one as usual, which are things so familiar to me within which I didn’t clearly see emotions that caught my attention, therefore are there really a clear connections between them and the hot flash? how can I see the connections?

During that time another thing happened to my body which is my old stomach ulcer problem backing again, and it is the feeling that my stomach would feel a big chunk of something there stuffed in the middle of my body and suffered more during digesting process and all I know is that it has something to do with a period time of hard working during which I maintained a certain level of anxiety.

Thus I found there are at least 3 different kinds of initial points to start a hot flash at that stage:

1.     A burst of strong depression feeling occurred in the middle of my head region within which I can sense a heated rusty choking smell thing gush in from behind my nose and eyes area and then into the whole head, neck and upper buddy area

2.     A burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach area and slowly up to the upper body area

3.     The plain heat feeling slowly sneaky out of somewhere of my body and then eventually cover my upper and other area of my body

And within these observations I found the hot flash/hormone seemed to has its own live and will and would exaggerate and centralize my emotion and body problem I already have within me for a long time and that had manifested within the interaction of events and my mind system during that stage, and also they would had something do to with the hormone state. 

I then talked about this situation with my buddy who supports me in my DIP process, she suggested me to find the mind source of my hormone through kinesiology within which we can use the professional’s muscle testing to know about things in the physical level which myself cannot access yet. At this moment I realize this is exactly where I can find the answers, so I scheduled a session right away.

To be continue……

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Day 608—How I use my hot flash to support myself

Day 608—How I use my hot flash to support myself

Here I would like to share my observation and work with the hot flash experience of my body to provide some context for people who have the similar situation and also during this process to support myself .

I was having hormone problems since many years ago and which caused quite some body conditions need to be taken care of. Until the summer 5 years ago, the hot flash started coming, during that stage I already had an early menopause caused by uterus surgery for a couple of years, and from medical knowledge I know this hot flash caused by hormone imbalance belongs to one of the menopause syndromes which makes autonomic nervous system become dysfunction. And there is another obvious event during that time in my life was that I was dealing with a serious relationship conflict, within which I had strong emotional waves up and down for quite some time already.

The hot flash was quite strong since the beginning and about a dozen times a day, it’s the feeling of body heating up within me and my head and neck would become red and my upper body would sweat and then the whole body is just soaking in the unbearable heat. Since I am already joining the course of DIP to start the process of directing myself in life, I found there are always some emotional reactions following every occurrence of hot flash, thus what I know about it is to just stop the reactions and see the hot flash as it is, and found in this way I can still get along with it.

I decided not to see the doctor because I am sure what they would do is the treatment of hormone medicine, and I have heard long time ago that it may cause cancer and I don’t want the risk so I just live with the uncomfortable. After that summer it stopped and for a couple of years it just happened for a couple of months every year and mostly in summer.

Until last 2 years I found it becomes more serious so I decided to actively deal with it since the uncomfortable had affected my everyday life and I probably could find ways to reduce the damage to my body and life to the minimum. So I went to see a doctor and he suggested that since I still got some part of uterus there is a chance to get cancer through using hormone, but since I don’t have family history of cancer, he suggested me to use hormone but will give me some other prescription like every two month to “wash it away”. So I started taking hormone treatment and about after two months the hot flash was alleviated and then stopped, then I stopped taking medicine and tried some natural hormone products suggested by friend for a month then I am free from the hot flash for another several months until it emerged again in this summer.

However, before I would take another round of the hormone medicine, I tried other things instead, that is loyal jelly and small excises every day which I found can reduce the strength and frequency, however only slightly, and I also found other interesting observations about the hot flash patterns.

The first thing is that before this whole new wave of hot flash setting off, I found I would have a kind of intensive and sudden depressive emotion burst within my body which if I can noticed it and stop it right away without following or creating any thoughts, then it would just stopped, which I saw it as a kind of achievement of my process though I was not aware of the connection between the depression bursts and their sources or trigger points, it would be like before I woke up in the morning I usually found I was already playing with some memories in my mind, and suddenly the depression just burst out and then I found it and stopped it.

Here a history about my depression: I am actually quite familiar with the emotion since I was a little kid, in the beginning it was just the uncomfortable feeling slowly emerged within my body and I kind of hearing it said something like “I would like to die”, “it makes no sense in this world” …, it was just an weird and uneasy thing for me at that time, but with all the events and relationships connections happened in my growing process, the depression had just become part of me and I had spent much time in my life wanting to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling, then until recently I found it sometimes become this intensive and sudden formation.

To be continue……

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Day 607—我是對的 4

Day 607—我是對的  4

現在來分享一下我自己在對與錯的這個設計上來面對和解構這個心智意識系統的一點經驗。

由於我自己幾十年來深深的被這個設計所影響，而也因為這個設計背負著無數的記憶和能量，因此大大的給自己設限了相當長的時間，當中在各方向尋找真相的過程中雖然了解到評斷本身是沒有意義的應當停止，但卻發現這不是一件說停就停的事情，道理和知識可以說得很清楚，實踐起來卻總是來來回回不斷的在內在衝突的對話中卡在情緒裡面。

然而這個收集知識與得到解答以及重複提醒自己的過程，本身就已經在幫助自己解構了，因為這些知識和訊息，已經擴展了我原先限制自己的信念，讓我可以因為看到更多元的現實面而幫助自己放下來。然而心智就是這樣的狡猾，因為心智總在焦慮和快速的慾望的運作當中，所以同時也利用了這個知識與理解的過程來再度將自己卡在裡面，例如: “我已經都知道這麼多了，怎麼我還是沒變! ” “知道這些東西有什麼用!” 好了，這回又卡了，然後自己再度的利用這個反應來自我批評自己: “我沒有救了，我很糟糕，人家要怎麼看我…”，這樣一層又一層的評斷下去之後，負面能量一層一層的累積，又增加了走出來的困難度，因此這裏要注意的就是心智隨時都會利用現成的事物來阻止自己進行改變的工作，包含自己已經協助過自己的過程和內容，因此必須增加這方面的覺察力以便令自己更有能力停住這個過程。同時了解到，因為心智結構的複雜度和記憶的大量累積，這本就是一個需要時間的進程，任何在慾望和恐懼中的評斷都會令速度更加的慢下來的。而且，那又是一個再度陷入對與錯的模式的陷阱。

另一點，每當跟隨著對錯評斷後又是一團情緒包出現的時候，往往明明知道接下來該要書寫解構了，但就是會有一種: “喔，沒有用的，我會看得清楚而後有效的走出這個情緒狀態嗎? ” “我就是這個樣子我已經很習慣啦，真的會有差嗎?” 這樣的自我懷疑和否定現象，然而要瞭解到，這仍然是心智的伎倆，不讓自己能夠看得清楚過程，只是在外面用更多的情緒來解讀和反應，尤其因為自己還沒有建立許多成功的經驗，就更有理由證明這方式是行不通的。

然而，這心智模式最怕的就是你去真的證明和揭穿它的假象，因為只要我們發現了心智是多餘的，並且能夠利用自己的力量站起來，那麼這個心智就要消失和死亡了。因此，就去證明吧! 而且持續的恆常的去做才可達到效果才是真的證明。你會發現不但你能夠走出來，而且你有令自己更加自由和有力量的選擇，你能夠改變自己，也能夠協助他人，絕對的值得。

DIP線上課程—學習如何超越心智系統

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