2016年12月10日 星期六

Day 621—我的上台經驗 4

Day 621—我的上台經驗 4



再接著談一下上台演講的一些相關話題。關於是否需要口才技巧,關於是否要準備笑點哭點,以及關於回答觀眾的提問與突發狀況的應變。

有許多人面對人際交流或需要上台講話的準備時,總是直接的連結到要訓練口才技巧的考慮,就我的觀點來看,口才或說話技巧的訓練的需要除非是面臨基本的會話能力有需要矯正以便於能夠在說話時達到溝通的目的時才真實的需要,例如有口吃或發音不準確的狀況的需要,因為你如果注意到那些被你評論為口才技巧好的人的演講內容,除非能夠與你關心的議題有所連結或實用,否則技術再好你也不會記得他們說了什麼,除了你所留下的那個評論,人們會記得的往往是能夠對你的生活有所助益和相連結的,因此你僅要發揮自己的創意來令人們記得你將要傳達的事物即可。那或許需要收集些資訊和多做練習,甚至若能夠在台上的時候足夠穩定和專注即可做到,卻不一定要所謂的技術訓練。

在我的百場講演的經驗中,我經歷過聽眾們各種的反應都非事前設計過的效果,各場次的互動情況也可能很不一樣。例如總是在一群人有看到有的人有興趣聽而有的沒有興趣,有些時候人們會突然笑出聲來而我甚至沒有意識到當中的笑點,有的人聽過相當激動的表示贊同或鼓勵,有的聽眾會感到疑惑或做自己的事情,看過有些人不同程度的哭泣,甚至也有人曾經站起來對我破口大罵然而對我而言,我總是清楚我的演講要表達的是我至今為止為我自己整理過的對人事物的觀察和瞭解的分享。在當中我已經領悟到的是,我在傳達的事物是大部分的人不會一時領悟到或者真的希望去聽的,故而是為了少數準備好要聽和學習的人說的。要了解過於操弄人們的情緒的演說方式其實並不能給與更多,甚至反而會犧牲了真相的傳遞。在這過程中一個講者是多少需要超越自己在尋求認同方面的需要的。

那麼談到如何應對聽講者們的提問,或者一些突發的事件。其實坦白的表達自己的已知既可,即使在沒有答案的情況下,都能提供多少自己知道的,或者說明為何不知道或者如何重新調整提問和解答方向都可以。要能夠自如的在台上反應這些狀況,主要要學習掌握的,除了對於自己的談話內容有基本的知識之外,並不需要特定的答問技術或過多的內容準備,仍然是在於,自己對於自己的現時狀況能夠穩定的程度,越能夠穩定則越能自由的主導和掌握整個過程。另個相關的要了解的情況是,當自己在台上有任何時候出現任何自己無預期的狀況時,我們永恆的是能夠來得及在當下,也就是眾目睽睽之中調整自己的,甚至跟聽眾們當場說明一下這些自己的情形也都可以,如此或能更多的獲得人們對自己的信任,如同以身作則。

要達到上述的目標除了實際的給予自己上台的機會練習之外,有許多的準備是在日常生活中的自我訓練和教育,由了解自己中去調整自己的狀態,例如我們原本就是會在不同情境的變化中陷入各種焦慮,於是我們平時就需要能夠知道自己在什麼情況下會被引發怎樣的焦慮,於是為了能夠即時的將自己在任何情境中把自己帶回穩定,我們就要去詳細的了解這些焦慮的想法內容和相關的記憶經驗等等,然後將它們應用原則和工具來重新解構和理解,並重新的看在同樣的情境下可以如何改變調整自己的做法,而這些功夫是需要耐心花些時間的,同時當中的學習成效是可以應用在生活的所有領域中,例如在學業、工作、家人、及人際的各種場合。同時這不僅是處理焦慮方面,對於如何能在各種場合超越自我批判實踐自信與自主都是同時並進的一個過程。以上則是提供上台演講的例子作為一個改變過程的實例。


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2016年11月23日 星期三

Day 620—我的上台經驗 3

Day 620—我的上台經驗 3




在我轉任行動心理師之後,我開始在幾所社區大學連續的開設非結構性的人際關係團體,持續的訓練自己的帶領能力也同時在各種諮商經驗中學習通過所有在諮商關係當中的議題,當然也一直將我自己的心理學知識應用到自己以及與所有他人的相處上面。現在回頭看也發現在這當中的每一項工作型態都是由最開始的無比的焦慮起頭,然後在裡面摸索領悟和實踐於是終於到最後可以輕鬆自在如同工作是生活的一部份的過程。

在這期間我有一個到佛光山演講的經歷。當時的任務是要面對百位的出家眾講演如何在對外助人過程中處理自己的情緒議題,也就是心理學中的界限/界域問題,當時我心中有的疑慮是,那時我能夠看到佛學也已經能將這道理說明得完全,難道出家眾們仍不了解這些知識道理嗎?而且修行的人不是也正是實踐佛學的人們嗎?但又認識到他們會邀請心理專業的人士演講就顯示他們也同時需要這方面的角度或語彙來協助他們從事助人的工作,因此我便放下心正常的準備內容,當天見到出家眾們分享了自己的經驗和領悟後,才發現到其實他們和一般人對於心理狀態的瞭解和領悟狀態是幾乎一樣的,僅有少數較認真於領悟和實踐佛學者能夠和我的演講內容和產生連結和共鳴。也就是說,我同時了解到,即使許多人們已經做了人生當中似乎重要的抉擇如同出家修行,並不一定代表這些人們願意實踐一些有關的教導,僅僅是選擇了一種看起來不同的生活型態罷了。這個現象更令我了解到我正意欲推廣的心理知識和一些解決方式,知道的且真正有興趣並且能實踐的人們實在不多,縱使許多的途徑和方式已經在這個世界呈現。

之間我繼續嘗試在不同的場合對不同的對象演講,有各級學生,中小學老師,社會人士,對公務員的訓練,醫院專業人員,公益機構團體,公司企業等等,雖然演講的內容結構主軸是大同小異的,但是每回上台前後也仍常在不同程度的焦慮中,只是隨著經驗的增多和自信增長,我的準備期越來越短少,焦慮程度也越來越降低。當中有一個有趣的現象,便是在演講生涯早期的時候,我就已經觀察到了一件事情,那便是在初期的時候,或許準備的越充分熟練,對於表現越是有幫助,但是我也了解到,當我能夠真實的克服了一切不必要的焦慮之後,我甚至完全不需要事前的準備,反而能夠令我最真實的在當下呈現出最豐富而真實而完整的自己,也就是說,焦慮本身就僅是阻礙,它令我花上許多不必要的精神和時間做準備,當我不再需要它的時候,也就是我可以在即興的當下表現最好的時候,那便是我要到達的那個目標。但在到達那之前,我必須更充分的實踐我多年來所累積和貫通的知識。

一直到我最近的幾場演講,甚至在千人的場合中,我觀察到我已經幾乎能夠做到在上台前後維持著的穩定情緒和表現水準。除了持續的充實自己和練習之外,在這幾年因為了解到更多關於心智意識系統的結構和知識以及找到真正的解除那固執情緒的方法,而能夠確實的使用工具加以實踐。同時也因為確認了關於生命的真相和答案如同就是在物質現實的此處,對於我要傳達的事物更有了絕對的依據,因為在通達實踐生命的任務中,焦慮恐懼等等的情緒實無絲毫立足的理由,而我所要傳達的關於走向完滿的生活與生命的訊息的目的便是得在自己的層面不斷超越和以身作則的,也就是確實做到我所說的就是我正在執行的。這些都對我能夠達到自已在上台方面的理想目標有著終極的幫助。 



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2016年11月13日 星期日

Day 619—我的上台經驗 2

Day 619—我的上台經驗 2

  
                                       


因此在大學時代我奠基了上台演講的態度和使命的應用實踐,這情況在到了美國念研究所的時候又有了額外的挑戰,在美國我念的是歐陸哲學取向的心理學,那時我的英語程度除了讀寫的基本水準以外,是聽力不佳也幾乎不敢與人對話的,那是口語的英文和學術的英文的應用方面的差異,當時觀察到很有趣的一點是,我發現雖然日用英文上有困難,但是在哲學與心理學的理解上卻是優越的,那時候念的海德格與黑格爾哲學對許多母語是英文的同學而言也幾乎像是外國語言。故此在這個優勢上,一次介紹黑格爾的精神現象學的同組報告中,同學老師們都很驚訝的發現我這個平時英語破破的同學,竟然是他們唯一能夠聽懂解說這個學問的人。由這個經驗中,我學習到,甚至在不精熟的語言使用中,只要能夠充分的理解自己要講的內容和邏輯,事前有足夠的在表達清析上的工作和演練,那麼對於演講的表現就可以有所把握。

回國的第一個工作是在少年法院的觀護人室做心理輔導,那時的工作內容包含一項帶領整個心理系實習生團隊的月會討論,記得那對我而言是甚大的壓力,僅是報告一些簡單的事項和工作實務的說明所要耗費的能量是可以成為生活負擔的程度,我很清楚自己要表達的內容,原因也不在於任何現實上的威脅,而在於我個人在成長時期長期的壓抑自己的表達的經驗,以致於當我真實有機會去說明自己的時候,所有的一切創傷經驗再度對我身體造成一次次巨大負擔,但當時的我僅僅是知道過去經驗確實會帶來的恐怖的負面感受,卻沒有可以有效徹底解構的工具,於是因應的方式便僅只是去每回硬著頭皮迎向這個難受和挑戰,企圖用經驗來說服我自己,上台分享本身不是問題,而我必須要一再由現實中實踐出來的證據來說服我自己真相是如何。在這之前,我也已經完全領悟和接受了一些過去的觀察,那就是,既然我能夠正常說話而且許多人能夠做到成功的在台上表現自己,那麼已經顯示了我可以做到,那會是漸進式的,而且,問題總是有解決的方式和時候。

接下來的一次大的挑戰便是面對百位榮譽觀護人的演講,講題是關於青少年發展的特質,我決定也利用這次演講提醒觀護人們關於過度倚賴心理測驗及其他有限的工具來檢視青少年所產生的限制與後果,那時我了解自己在這個演講中唯一的重點在令觀眾清晰的瞭解我要傳達的重點,但也知道我自己個人在焦慮恐懼情緒上對我的演講可能造成的干擾,於是我使用的策略便是,用一個月時間將演講稿一字一句斟酌的寫出來並經過無數次的修改調整,預備在演講當時全程用朗讀的方式來呈現。那時我也聽過許多關於出色的演講不應使用講稿等等的說法,但那是我當時在自己有限的能力下所能夠在我最原始的目標中找出的唯一可行方式,於是我就這麼上場了,穿上了我的整套西裝和整潔的化妝,在台上盡可能清晰自然的念出我的講稿,同時記得不時抬頭看到全場的人,雖然這樣簡單許多,我的焦慮仍然高張,總算因為依靠著在我眼前的文字能夠使我維持在某種程度的穩定中,但當我念完了演講稿,出乎意料的,得到全場不止一次的響亮掌聲,之後觀護人們開始熱烈的討論,我發現自己因為仍耽溺和僵硬在焦慮中而無法輸入訊息及放鬆的回應,但觀眾們已經互相在積極的為彼此溝通並解答疑問,故此經驗我仍視之為一場相當成功的發表,只是因為我最初的目的已經達成,事後觀護人們甚至要求得到我的演講稿來給自己時間弄清楚我的觀點的整體脈絡。



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2016年11月12日 星期六

Day 618—我的上台經驗 1

Day 618—我的上台經驗 1





在我的諮商工作中經常遇到學生和客戶面臨上台的說話焦慮經驗,在此我分享一下我個人在這個區塊的發展過程。

我由一個情緒極端的幼兒長成到一個可以穩定自己情緒的漫長自我療癒/校準的過程中,一個具有代表性的成就,便是我的上台演講經驗,也就是由最開始在小學班級裡面的說話課中站在台上只能低著頭說給自己聽,一直到現在站在千人面前也能夠在僅有主題的情況下由開始一直說到結束而能穩定表達的一個改變。

我怎麼做到的。可以由好幾條線來講。可以由我如何經由了解我的情緒感受而克服它們的過程。可以由我如何經由不斷地給自己機會練習上台的嘗試錯誤的過程。也可以由我上台的出發點和使命的過程來講。其實這些過程總是合併一起進行的,它根本其實包含了我所有人生的找尋和領悟和實踐。但我就挑些明顯的經驗和例子來說明在當中領悟和改變的過程。

關於上台演講的恐懼,記得在我六歲第一次上台的時候,看到自己只能低著頭用只有自己聽得見的聲音說給自己聽,我知道我比其他人更為害怕,而且也因為我和其他人不同而羞愧,而且似乎理所當然認為那就是我存在的方式,我逐漸發現我在許多事物上面都是非常害怕擔憂的,尤其在與他人相處的時候,也包括害怕死亡這件事情,害怕一切都會再也沒有的感覺,同時我也極力的想要獲得家中養育者的認同,因為她顯然對我誤解很大但我沒有能力說明清楚我自己。

面對人群和陌生人以及難以溝通的長輩,我都害怕且絕大部分時候難以開口說話,這個情形一直持續到我上了專科學校。而一個相當關鍵的轉捩點是在曾與我相當親近的爺爺過世後,那時我十七歲,一天我在學校的座位上照例思索著內在的一切,突然間好像某個靈感來到,我問自己最害怕的會是什麼,而什麼又是那個沒有人可以反駁的真相? 因為我需要一個可以站立的答案,我需要克服那個害怕的困境,我了解我真的不只是這樣而已。

然後我給出自己答案,我最害怕生命的結束,因為那就是一切的感知和可能都沒有了,而目前我所具備的生命,是沒有任何人能夠反駁的一個絕對的真相。於是我告訴自己,那麼這世上還有什麼我不能去做和害怕去做的,而那麼多的選擇中我要做的是什麼,我要做的是真正對的事情,並且我要能夠證明出來。於是一個新的旅程就展開了。在那之後我的成績由在班上後段變成接連拿獎學金,開始當班級和社團幹部,在學校成為一個活躍的腳色,很有趣的在這期間我也開始長高,由一個原本一直是班上最矮小的長到一個平均的高度。而因此我的變化和自信逐漸令我有個使命要去認識更多關於人類心理和存在到底是怎麼一回事,同時也要將我的過程傳達出去給更多人知道。

在決定念大學後就念了第一和唯一志願的心理系,記得我終於第一次在一個心理測驗的課堂報告機會裡面真的嘗試去將我的了解傳達出去,在當中我發現自己長期在吸收資料的方式中自然有一種優勢幫助我去理解資料,於是也比較容易去傳達。這也是我觀察自己在那個開竅的時間點的前後的差異,在那之前,我讀教科書的原因是師長的指示,關於讀好書可以養活我自己和被人看得起等等的原因,但後面是我自己給自己的人生目標和理由,所以我在念書的時候,我是在看這些資料如何支持我找到答案和完成我的目標,在當中我總是一個主體,資料要嘛比我的所知有更高或廣泛的觀點,那麼我就將它放進來與原有的資料校準,要嘛並不符合我對生命的觀察,那麼我就跳過或批判,於是當我上台報告的時候,報告的就是我所自主篩選過的希望聽眾能夠有所獲得的東西,而不只是外來訊息的傳聲筒。




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2016年10月16日 星期日

Day 617—A Suppression Analysis

Day 617—A Suppression Analysis

                                   


Since not long ago I found I can really stop myself to participate in a deep seated design of a mind construct with a close relationship of my family within awareness, and so within this transcending process I could see more details of dimensions from the suppression of myself.

In that moment when the family member were making some expression which I would always react internally or externally, however after a decision and application to thoroughly deconstruct it, this time as I saw the similar expression beside me happening, I stood within my body and watch the whole thing, but nothing happened within, and the event was still going, and I was still breathing, and then decide there is no need to respond but still listening, and I check myself within, found I just stopped there, without any suppression, and this is the moment I realize what is a real stop without suppression. It seemed that I could realize everything in a quantum moment and thus knew well there is no need to go any further.

Therefore within this process I observed how my suppression could be happened in about 5 levels of the mind reaction layers. The first layer is the value and judgment from the interpretation, blaming, projection towards others, for example: “he should not say something like that within his anxiety and lacking of information, which would make people feeling uncomfortable”. The second layer would be some mind constructs of self-victimization and self-judgment etc., like I had been feeling bad and judging myself in the similar circumstances and so reacted to the memories, experiences, pictures, conclusions and so on, for example: a picture with of this person yelling at me and I stood there feeling scary.

Then the next level would be the judgment and reaction towards the previous 2 reactions, it became the suppression of the mind reaction through the knowledge and information. For example, “I should not produce this reaction of blaming others and connect the past memory and experience”.

The forth level is when the moment I found I had constricted myself, then further again, to judge and react to this constriction reaction, believing that I should not suppress myself, and within this I would make a misconception as conclusion that I should not suppress myself in any way whatsoever, I should let it all out, otherwise I was producing more of the mind energy accumulating on my body. It as a misconception because this is still a value system with energy, meanwhile we don’t want to let the emotion go as it is as the personality pattern, but to stand within the emotional energy to transcend the energy, so I can express myself about the process clearly within communication. For example, I am not going to manifest the anger and blaming others, but to back to the breathing and stop the inner process, then I can explain to others how I feel within myself about what happened and what is that all about. Of course there are other options like I could note it down to deal with them afterwards depending on the situation. However as long as I didn’t deconstruct the mind pattern or at the moment create myself in the physicality, it would be more or less in a way and an extent of suppression, if you will.

The fifth level is coming from the misunderstood interpretation on the last level, because within it I have seen if I just let go of my emotions as they are there would be consequences, therefore I just jump into an ideal solution model as I believed no matter what, and still it is the manifestation of value and energy within the knowledge and information. For instance, I right away respond to and support the other, however though the correction itself looked perfect, but it actually became an over-reaction and in fact suppressed the previous inner process, the reaction could be so fast to not allow myself to see clearly what was inside the process, but still could feel the pressure within the body and causing consequence within.

The first 2 levels of the mind pattern are always go together, unless to really stop or deal with or change them right the moment as it happens, otherwise the suppression took the place, sometimes it stayed on the third or fourth level or even went to the fifth level like I was going through, and from there I could see how I just automatically accumulate the mind pattern through all the knowledge and value and judgment mind system instead of really live those as living words and so suppress myself layer after layer and leave the consequence to my body.

After that time I had stopped the deep seated mind pattern attached to the family member, I could in afterwards when I was facing a similar situation, at the moment as the external stimuli set off to be aware of any little movement and right away stop myself within breathing, and leave myself enough space and time to practically respond to the situation which would be best for everyone. And from my experiences the external stimuli as the mind trigger point would be eventually not a point anymore.




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2016年10月7日 星期五

Day 616—真的停止 與 壓抑分析

Day 616—真的停止 與 壓抑分析


                                         

對於壓抑的處理有了多一層的看見,是因為近來在和自己最親近的家人的互動中,看見自己在最深而長久的一個心智設計上是真正而立即的停止自己的內在反應,也就是超越了這個人格模式過程,因而能夠看得更清楚壓抑和停止的差別,於是更明確了關於壓抑模式的一些細節。

那時當對方做了某個原本過去我總是會外在或內在的反應然後壓抑的表達,但是在一次徹底的解構過後,這回我看到自己在對方旁邊聽見了類似的表達,然後我站在我自己的身體裡面看著,什麼都沒有發生,而事情仍在進行中,而我也仍在呼吸,並決定這時候並沒有做出回應的需要,然後我檢查自己,發現我停在這裡,而這當中完全沒有壓抑。就是這樣的一刻,令我領悟到什麼是真正的停止。慶祝成就!

於是在我的過程中我觀察到我自己的壓抑有可以大致分為五個反應層次,第一層是對於他人/外在的價值批判、責難、解讀、投射,例如: 對方不應該在焦慮中說這樣的話,這樣會讓聽的人感到不舒服。第二層是同時產生的自我受害內容,例如: 自己曾經在類似的場合中聽到這種表達方式而感到難受的記憶、經驗、畫面、結論。第三層是對於自己在前面的反應本身的反應,也就是由自己不該升起這些心智反應的知識和訊息而來的壓抑。例如: 我不應該產生這些責備他人和過去記憶的情緒反應。

第四層則是當我發現自己壓抑住了自己,又對這個壓抑本身起反應,認為自己不該壓抑,而過去在這個時候我會做出一個偏誤的結論,那就是,我不應該壓抑,應該要讓我的情緒發洩出來,否則我又再製造更多的心智能量層堆積在我的身體上。之所以是偏誤,是因為這同樣是一個價值觀,而且帶著能量,同時我們並不是要發洩出情緒的樣貌,而是令自己在情緒中站起來超越情緒,於是能夠將自己的情緒用可以溝通的方式表達清楚。例如我並不是去表現憤怒然後責備對方,而是回到呼吸並停下內在過程,然後可以與對方說明自己感到有情緒在其中,而那是怎麼樣的情況。當然也可以自己事後獨自處理。只是當在尚未完全解構這個心智模式及在物質中創造自己的情況中,多少仍都在某程度的壓抑當中。

第五層則是因為第四層偏誤的解讀中因為看到若誠實的將自己的情緒表達出來是會造成後果的,於是便不顧一切內在過程直接跳進了自己認為的一個理想的修正行為的過程中,這仍然是在知識道德理想中的價值觀和能量表現,例如: 我立即去回應和支持對方所溝通的內容,然而這個修正的行為本身雖然表面上看來是完美的,但卻變成一種過度反應而實際上是壓抑了前面的內在過程的結果,這情況的特徵是反應相當快速,但仍是可以感受到身體能量的壓力,於是對身體產生有害的後果。

前面第一二層的心智模式總是同時存在的,除非是真的停止了這個模式,否則這兩層沒有表達出來便開始壓抑的過程,有時停在第三或第四或像我曾令自己到達第五層次而沒有覺察,呵呵,由這個過程我可以看到自己是如何能自動化的將心智層層的壓抑堆疊並將後果留給自己的過程。

而我經由將前述面對一個深層的親近關係時的整個心智人格模式的情緒記憶和行為過程都盡可能的逐步自我解構完全之後,便發現往後在面對同樣的情境時,都可以在外在的引發點一開始的時刻便能在覺察中看見自己內部的細節而相應的停止並專注在呼吸之中,並得以令自己有充分的時空,在真實物質現實中做出在當時情境而言,對所有人都好的,實際的判斷和處理。





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2016年9月19日 星期一

Day 615—How I use my hot flash to support myself 8

Day 615—How I use my hot flash to support myself 8

 

Some final notes

 

Starting from 5 years ago and only stopping the most obvious reaction from hot flash, to treat it with medical treatment since last year, to really face and observe and investigate everything from and into it and deal with it accordingly since 5 months ago, till now I am almost not been affected by the almost diminished symptom, yes, I stopped the symptom before through medicine but not in a systematical way and taking the responsibility to the extend as this time.

 

Therefore, within these processes, I have gone through quite much mind reactions and design and learned things from them, and through all these I also found I become even more sensitive or I can say intimate to my body condition, not only that I can detect some mild pains and the movement in my solar plexus, I also had this experience and confidence to trace back my mind process within it so I can give myself chance to deconstruct them, and when I meet some bigger body effect, I would follow a rather stable process to deal with them as possible. However, all needs the first step of willing to see for myself and to walk the process constantly and consistently with discipline to provide self the chance to walk into this stage and continue the process to the next.

 

Also what had been going on here is also this tendency of mine that I would always want to fulfill my learning goal through a realistic and systematic way and then really applied them step by step to reach the goal. And within it I am aware of that it is always in a way an experiment of myself within which I would get a temporary conclusion from what I gathered and then tested it and cross referenced it and sometimes when I got more information I would adjust my way of doing it if it is seen to be necessary, and thus I mean I had applied it within this process of dealing with the hot flash, and since now I only dealing with them from what I realized, then I might integrate more and correct myself in the future. Therefore here I am mentioning and sharing this process so people could make it a reference for their own experience or experiment.

 

I recalled in the early stage when I had observed something from my hot flash and found some effect on dealing with it, my DIP course buddy reminded me to share the process with people since there are so many people are encountering this situation. I bore that in mind but knew I was not ready for that since I figured I still need some more observation to see if the diminishing of the symptom is really in relation to what I have done to stop the mind and body reaction, and the connection between the symptom and the mind pattern is still uncertain and I knew I can do more about it. So, after another several months’ information gathering and working, I finally had enough feedback to share the result with people. Within this process I also meet a point to learn and realize instead of expecting more from people and myself, here can be a place where I just got enough to share. Thus here it is.

 

 

 

 
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2016年9月13日 星期二

Day 614—How I use my hot flash to support myself 7

Day 614—How I use my hot flash to support myself 7




Parallel process

One thing that I reveal for myself within the process is that there are actually multiple processes we can move ourselves in a parallel way as possible.

Sometimes before I watched people busy on looking for the mind source for a body condition then I had this question coming up that why bother to find the sources of body symptoms, because they can be everything from multiple dimensions of mind system and through walking the process we are going to deconstruct everything after all! At the same time I was actually lacking this experience and confidence to deal with those old symptoms and body pains, I was too familiar with them already as consequence for so many decades, and it seemed I can still get along with them “so far so good”, and the sources of the conditions are such “huge issues”, can I really manage those issues after I got something about them? Thus I did not see that a path as an option for me. However, providing myself enough information and time to work with myself, now I see it actually can be a parallel process.

In the stage of the observation from my hot flashes, I had seen that within the days indulging myself with full of thoughts, the symptom would be more serious than the days I had much less mind activities. Thus, yes, if I can just stop everything, things would become much easier. So, then, obviously I didn’t just stop the mind activities effectively on daily basis. Except my own responsibility for the mind functions, I realized it still needs a process to allow myself some more experiences as applications, feedback, evidences, cross references, then the confidence from those experiences and also more of the clarification from information and the relations between things, until I went to this point that I was ready to conduct something more.

Then now with some more experiences and confidence through my process, and with all the information and clarification in relation to my hot flash, I came to the point to see and realize this is where I am ready for facing this body consequence to assist myself, I saw the symptoms can be served as immediate feedback for how I could effectively stop my personality patterns on daily basis, so I then applied everything I learned and obtained from everywhere to solve problems for myself. As I can really see how I practically change myself to diminish the symptom, I realize this practice actually supports my entire process.

I know it is not I must need such body conditions to support myself, nor should I wait until something become serious and unbearable then I found I must do something about it, actually as adults we all had something or another on the body to remind us what we had done to ourselves, and thus can through the symptoms to walk the process even faster, and from common sense we know it would take longer to change if overlook what has been manifested on body, thus even the mild body conditions can always reminds us to discipline ourselves more.

Further, with the fact that some long-term bodily consequence were formed through time, we might not terminate them so effectively in a short period of time, like now I am on the way cease the hot flash by using hormone treatment, it then would no longer become the feedback for how I deal with the relationships and other things, thus what always there support myself is the ordinary process I am constantly walking. Therefore we actually need parallel processes, as the matter of fact, in this process there has been evolved multiple parallel processes together at the same period of time and they certainly can assist and support each other.

To be continue…





2016年9月4日 星期日

Day 613—How I use my hot flash to support myself 6

Day 613—How I use my hot flash to support myself 6




Reactions towards my hot flash

After all the work I mentioned in the previous sharing, there left about half times of the hot flash occurrences in a day comparing to the beginning stage. However, not long after I enjoyed the accomplishment, I went to the opposite state of the mind. Obviously, at this stage while focusing on the process of dealing with the symptom, I had manifested the polarized mind reaction patterns and consequences towards the hot flash and myself and the all treatment process, and also ignored and accepted the mind process. Here is my observation.

With the worrying and fearing of the symptom in the beginning, to the exciting and amazing of the information gained from kinesiology, and the desiring and expectations for the perfect outcome during the dealing process, to the satisfaction and enjoyment of the accomplishment, and then finally, I indulging myself in the disappointing and blaming for the last part that seemed I cannot do anything more about them. Thus then I take the chance to introspect the reaction process including the mind and physical reactions and all the backchats in my DIP assignment which required me to investigate the fear preprogramming pattern in daily life.

One observation is that in the final stage I observed the hot flashes still has a few emotional ones as well as plain heat ones, my frustration can be easily triggered by the former, and then create backchats patterns, except the believe that I got more responsibility for the emotional ones, it seemed I also took on the emotional energy to create more energy and personalities.

And from what I was blaming myself and the hot flash and the process, I see my hot flashes was in a way taking placed from two kinds of resources or effects, one is the long-term mind pattern consequence manifested in physical, one is the current backchats and reactions from immediate or short-term environmental stimuli. I have learned from quantum mind serious interviews from EQAFE that we can only be aware of the consequence of the quantum mind’s and quantum physical’s effect, therefore what we can do is to not to participate the reactions of the mind and to find the things trigger the reactions and do self-forgiveness for the points and mind structure to prevent from it in the future and thus change oneself. And through such works I could and already reduce about half of the hot flashes, however it would not be possible to just undo them all within such a short period of time, but require deeper insights through time and also physical support, for the existence of the symptom still shows me that my body is damaging itself through the long term consequence condition.

On finding the answer to understand how far my process can do about it and decide the treatment afterwards, I discussed it with my buddy, and found her reply confirmed the answer already within me, then, what I need to do is just to stop the old mind reaction patterns towards the hot flash and myself and proceed the next stop, which is to go to the doctor for medical treatment to support my body.

Now I just done a month’s dosage of the hormone treatment and now I got only a couple of times of mild hot flash a day, and then doctor offered me the continuous prescription and suggested me to use it according to my own estimation. What I would do is to take as small amount as possible with my process to ease the symptom.

To be continue…



2016年8月31日 星期三

Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5


Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5


Other emotional points

With the end of stomach point, I identified other emotions that would relate to my hot flashes, such as irritation and anxiety which related to my everyday life activities. They would involve in very immediate environment stimuli and the reaction would start from a bigger area of my body above from the middle chest and back area to the middle of my head region and I would feel the heat slowly emerged from this part. It’s quite similar with type of hot flash with the plain heat, but it can be sensed that there was an uncomfortable emotional source which starts the whole thing.

When I found these situations that different types of emotions would relate to the immediate environment stimuli or situations easily to be ignored in the busy life, from just a sight of something, or a very quick perception of the mind that I were not aware of and there even has no thought involved then the next thing inevitable is the setting off of the hot flash, and from the observation I felt the panic towards my process, I figured this is the kind of mind reactions as physical backchat happened in the quantum mind and quantum physical levels described in the quantum mind interview series of EQAFE, but how I can do anything to stop the reaction processes from those things seemed randomly occurred around me now and then? God knows how much countless things are there waiting really? Is it possible for me to walk through them all?

However I also see at least the good news is that through my hot flash experiences I proved there are things there reveal themselves for me and thus I got chances to do something with them, better than just sitting there and do nothing and react to what is there actually supporting me, thus I decided to on the one hand to even slower my movement and thus to face the irritation mind structure within me, and on the other hand to trace back and recording those stimuli and instances from the environment while I experience those hot flashes, they would be like when I was measuring some proportions; picking something from a pile of things; dealing with a puzzle; reading some information without understanding; a kind of exhibiting way of a store, and so on. Thus the next time before I go into the similar environments or join these similar activities I can remain myself to breath and focus on the physical reality.

And yes, it also worked, at least for those I can identified circumstances I can just slow and calm down myself from rush into them and thus prevent the irritations and thus the hot flash happening, and from what has been worked successfully, I got more confidence to keep on going dealing with these mind patterns.

To be continue…



2016年8月27日 星期六

Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4

Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4



My stomach point

Remember I described about how my stomach ulcer also became an initial point for episodes of hot flash within which I would sense a burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach? So, in the next session of Kinesiology I asked about my stomach point.

I had ulcer since I was 13, and since that it seemed I never really fully recovered from that, and it is always like having some level of mild ulcer, and this situation also makes me not easy to sense the changes and different emotions on solar plexus. Beside that I also have gastritis like once a year. However, for dealing with all the stomach experiences for such a long time, I was sort of used to it and getting along with it quite alright.

What was testing out in kinesiology is that it's in relation to the thoughts from violent, nasty and superior nature in my mind that I react to with judgment and suppression, so the stomach problems would be a consequence of my judging and hiding of those thoughts coming up in my conscious mind, and furthermore, I became addicted to an over active mode as a self-compromising way to deal with the pattern, for example, I would act too fast and effective to correct my action towards the nature that I want to hide, thus I didn’t slow down enough to see the process of the pattern and change the judgment and suppression entirely, and within it, I realized quite interestingly, there is such pattern as over correction and over action which are still mind functions that imply suppression and self-judgment.

What I had being quite known about my stomach history is that it was coming from how my family adults made efforts to oppress my temper since I was a kid and how I nurture the mind in trying hard getting all the evidences to fight back that I was better and right during my growing process, and obviously I still didn’t gave up the self-judgment towards those personalities and thus I was still confirming and defining myself as that was who I am, so fortunately now I got the feedback from kinesiology to see how I need to still working on it and to make absolute decision.

And for the part of self-compromising on over active, I now can be more aware of from the introspection of the instances of how I had activated the pattern in a hasting pace within working environment in the near past, and within it I see how the whole pattern can be activated and done within seconds within which I didn’t allow myself to see and only left the sudden painful stomach there as consequence and then I realized how it is this wave of ulcer as consequence coming from, so I can then through the realization dealing with the pattern.

However, since I was in the summer vacation the work load was much less then, the pattern didn’t have much effect on my stomach, and after I also had dealt with the stomach with watching my diet and the treatment of camellia oil, with the gradually alleviated symptom, the hot flash pattern of the stomach point was also gone.

To be continue…



2016年8月23日 星期二

Day 610—How I use my hot flash to support myself 3

Day 610—How I use my hot flash to support myself 3




Kinesiology  

In the session of Kinesiology the Kinesiologist told me that in relation to my hormone problem, what tested out was that mostly it has something to do with my internal conversation in relation to a specific person which is my father, and those backchats towards and in relation to my father are charged with positive feelings as well as negative emotions and those emotions also been tested out is insensitive, reserved, weary, cold, uncaring and unresponsive, which already become my own emotions patterns through copying and learning from and with my father to protect myself as a protection mechanism and those are located in the mind level of subconscious, unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical.

Within the session I also crossed reference and clarified some other questions related to hot flash and thus I knew the intensity and duration would be influenced by the level of what is going on in the mind that I am participating and believing in my backchat. And I also confirmed the royal jelly and exercise is helping, also I can massage my foot to ground myself, and I got some suggestions of EQAFE interviews to support my process.

I was quite astonished and excited to know all these information at once, and with the backchat in relation to my father I recalled not long ago I had a thought about he didn’t response to my recent sickness with a slight of those emotions attached to it and also some memories of my childhood, however I actually dealt with the major conflicts and emotions towards my father in my teenage years and that had made us quite in an equal communicated relationship for a long time already.

Then I realized, yes, those emotions and personalities has become me already, and that belongs to one of my major personalities and for recent two years since I am actively making friends and finding potential partners and which is quite an emotional process…, so obviously, I had applied those mind patterns to those potential partner relationships, it could be the reason my hot flash was getting serious and it is clear that I still had quite some mind patterns need to face and to stop the relevant thoughts and memories and thus solve problems with my relationship and my body conditions.

Now I got the names and clues of emotions related to my relationships and personalities which manifested as the backchat in the mind, so every time when the hot flash coming, I can be more easily aware of and trace back to the internal conversations and imaginations in my mind that had things to do with the emotions and relationship personalities.

It is quite an interesting journey for me to investigate and analyze all the connections and sources, and I also in the end of a day wrote down the memories I can assess to those thoughts and emotions, and within the realization I deconstruct and do self-forgiveness and commit myself to stop those internal conversation towards those relationships. Since I had dealt with my relationships for years, it is now more easy and effective, although there are still some of the hot flash that I don’t have clear clue where they are coming from, however merely doing this part had already reduced some of the occurrences, so the hot flash pattern everyday new become the immediate feedback point for how effective I can dealt with and stop the relationship patterns.

To be continue……



2016年8月20日 星期六

Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2

Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2



My observations

Then I gradually found sometimes this depression burst becoming the very first part of my hot flash, well perhaps it’s always is but I didn’t notice that because in the beginning the hot flash was not so matured and strong enough. Then I wanted to just stop it like those successful situations but found I actually cannot stop it and had to wait until the whole body heat walked its own period. Since I had walked my process and become more aware of my body, I decided to observe it closer and took notes about the occurrences.

I started to note down every occurrence of the hot flash, includes the time, the environment, the duration, and the intensity, and it’s about a dozen times a day and a couple of times at night and it would wake me up now and then, and it sometimes strong and long but sometimes weak and short, however, I didn’t found the connection with the environment except the hot temperature but had this feeling that it might has something to do with what I am thinking, but for me those things happened in my head are the memories of old things, new ones, plans, coming and going one after one as usual, which are things so familiar to me within which I didn’t clearly see emotions that caught my attention, therefore are there really a clear connections between them and the hot flash? how can I see the connections?

During that time another thing happened to my body which is my old stomach ulcer problem backing again, and it is the feeling that my stomach would feel a big chunk of something there stuffed in the middle of my body and suffered more during digesting process and all I know is that it has something to do with a period time of hard working during which I maintained a certain level of anxiety.

Thus I found there are at least 3 different kinds of initial points to start a hot flash at that stage:
1.     A burst of strong depression feeling occurred in the middle of my head region within which I can sense a heated rusty choking smell thing gush in from behind my nose and eyes area and then into the whole head, neck and upper buddy area
2.     A burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach area and slowly up to the upper body area
3.     The plain heat feeling slowly sneaky out of somewhere of my body and then eventually cover my upper and other area of my body

And within these observations I found the hot flash/hormone seemed to has its own live and will and would exaggerate and centralize my emotion and body problem I already have within me for a long time and that had manifested within the interaction of events and my mind system during that stage, and also they would had something do to with the hormone state. 

I then talked about this situation with my buddy who supports me in my DIP process, she suggested me to find the mind source of my hormone through kinesiology within which we can use the professional’s muscle testing to know about things in the physical level which myself cannot access yet. At this moment I realize this is exactly where I can find the answers, so I scheduled a session right away.

To be continue……