2016年10月16日 星期日

Day 617—A Suppression Analysis

Day 617—A Suppression Analysis

                                   


Since not long ago I found I can really stop myself to participate in a deep seated design of a mind construct with a close relationship of my family within awareness, and so within this transcending process I could see more details of dimensions from the suppression of myself.

In that moment when the family member were making some expression which I would always react internally or externally, however after a decision and application to thoroughly deconstruct it, this time as I saw the similar expression beside me happening, I stood within my body and watch the whole thing, but nothing happened within, and the event was still going, and I was still breathing, and then decide there is no need to respond but still listening, and I check myself within, found I just stopped there, without any suppression, and this is the moment I realize what is a real stop without suppression. It seemed that I could realize everything in a quantum moment and thus knew well there is no need to go any further.

Therefore within this process I observed how my suppression could be happened in about 5 levels of the mind reaction layers. The first layer is the value and judgment from the interpretation, blaming, projection towards others, for example: “he should not say something like that within his anxiety and lacking of information, which would make people feeling uncomfortable”. The second layer would be some mind constructs of self-victimization and self-judgment etc., like I had been feeling bad and judging myself in the similar circumstances and so reacted to the memories, experiences, pictures, conclusions and so on, for example: a picture with of this person yelling at me and I stood there feeling scary.

Then the next level would be the judgment and reaction towards the previous 2 reactions, it became the suppression of the mind reaction through the knowledge and information. For example, “I should not produce this reaction of blaming others and connect the past memory and experience”.

The forth level is when the moment I found I had constricted myself, then further again, to judge and react to this constriction reaction, believing that I should not suppress myself, and within this I would make a misconception as conclusion that I should not suppress myself in any way whatsoever, I should let it all out, otherwise I was producing more of the mind energy accumulating on my body. It as a misconception because this is still a value system with energy, meanwhile we don’t want to let the emotion go as it is as the personality pattern, but to stand within the emotional energy to transcend the energy, so I can express myself about the process clearly within communication. For example, I am not going to manifest the anger and blaming others, but to back to the breathing and stop the inner process, then I can explain to others how I feel within myself about what happened and what is that all about. Of course there are other options like I could note it down to deal with them afterwards depending on the situation. However as long as I didn’t deconstruct the mind pattern or at the moment create myself in the physicality, it would be more or less in a way and an extent of suppression, if you will.

The fifth level is coming from the misunderstood interpretation on the last level, because within it I have seen if I just let go of my emotions as they are there would be consequences, therefore I just jump into an ideal solution model as I believed no matter what, and still it is the manifestation of value and energy within the knowledge and information. For instance, I right away respond to and support the other, however though the correction itself looked perfect, but it actually became an over-reaction and in fact suppressed the previous inner process, the reaction could be so fast to not allow myself to see clearly what was inside the process, but still could feel the pressure within the body and causing consequence within.

The first 2 levels of the mind pattern are always go together, unless to really stop or deal with or change them right the moment as it happens, otherwise the suppression took the place, sometimes it stayed on the third or fourth level or even went to the fifth level like I was going through, and from there I could see how I just automatically accumulate the mind pattern through all the knowledge and value and judgment mind system instead of really live those as living words and so suppress myself layer after layer and leave the consequence to my body.

After that time I had stopped the deep seated mind pattern attached to the family member, I could in afterwards when I was facing a similar situation, at the moment as the external stimuli set off to be aware of any little movement and right away stop myself within breathing, and leave myself enough space and time to practically respond to the situation which would be best for everyone. And from my experiences the external stimuli as the mind trigger point would be eventually not a point anymore.




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2016年10月7日 星期五

Day 616—真的停止 與 壓抑分析

Day 616—真的停止 與 壓抑分析


                                         

對於壓抑的處理有了多一層的看見,是因為近來在和自己最親近的家人的互動中,看見自己在最深而長久的一個心智設計上是真正而立即的停止自己的內在反應,也就是超越了這個人格模式過程,因而能夠看得更清楚壓抑和停止的差別,於是更明確了關於壓抑模式的一些細節。

那時當對方做了某個原本過去我總是會外在或內在的反應然後壓抑的表達,但是在一次徹底的解構過後,這回我看到自己在對方旁邊聽見了類似的表達,然後我站在我自己的身體裡面看著,什麼都沒有發生,而事情仍在進行中,而我也仍在呼吸,並決定這時候並沒有做出回應的需要,然後我檢查自己,發現我停在這裡,而這當中完全沒有壓抑。就是這樣的一刻,令我領悟到什麼是真正的停止。慶祝成就!

於是在我的過程中我觀察到我自己的壓抑有可以大致分為五個反應層次,第一層是對於他人/外在的價值批判、責難、解讀、投射,例如: 對方不應該在焦慮中說這樣的話,這樣會讓聽的人感到不舒服。第二層是同時產生的自我受害內容,例如: 自己曾經在類似的場合中聽到這種表達方式而感到難受的記憶、經驗、畫面、結論。第三層是對於自己在前面的反應本身的反應,也就是由自己不該升起這些心智反應的知識和訊息而來的壓抑。例如: 我不應該產生這些責備他人和過去記憶的情緒反應。

第四層則是當我發現自己壓抑住了自己,又對這個壓抑本身起反應,認為自己不該壓抑,而過去在這個時候我會做出一個偏誤的結論,那就是,我不應該壓抑,應該要讓我的情緒發洩出來,否則我又再製造更多的心智能量層堆積在我的身體上。之所以是偏誤,是因為這同樣是一個價值觀,而且帶著能量,同時我們並不是要發洩出情緒的樣貌,而是令自己在情緒中站起來超越情緒,於是能夠將自己的情緒用可以溝通的方式表達清楚。例如我並不是去表現憤怒然後責備對方,而是回到呼吸並停下內在過程,然後可以與對方說明自己感到有情緒在其中,而那是怎麼樣的情況。當然也可以自己事後獨自處理。只是當在尚未完全解構這個心智模式及在物質中創造自己的情況中,多少仍都在某程度的壓抑當中。

第五層則是因為第四層偏誤的解讀中因為看到若誠實的將自己的情緒表達出來是會造成後果的,於是便不顧一切內在過程直接跳進了自己認為的一個理想的修正行為的過程中,這仍然是在知識道德理想中的價值觀和能量表現,例如: 我立即去回應和支持對方所溝通的內容,然而這個修正的行為本身雖然表面上看來是完美的,但卻變成一種過度反應而實際上是壓抑了前面的內在過程的結果,這情況的特徵是反應相當快速,但仍是可以感受到身體能量的壓力,於是對身體產生有害的後果。

前面第一二層的心智模式總是同時存在的,除非是真的停止了這個模式,否則這兩層沒有表達出來便開始壓抑的過程,有時停在第三或第四或像我曾令自己到達第五層次而沒有覺察,呵呵,由這個過程我可以看到自己是如何能自動化的將心智層層的壓抑堆疊並將後果留給自己的過程。

而我經由將前述面對一個深層的親近關係時的整個心智人格模式的情緒記憶和行為過程都盡可能的逐步自我解構完全之後,便發現往後在面對同樣的情境時,都可以在外在的引發點一開始的時刻便能在覺察中看見自己內部的細節而相應的停止並專注在呼吸之中,並得以令自己有充分的時空,在真實物質現實中做出在當時情境而言,對所有人都好的,實際的判斷和處理。





DIP線上課程學習如何超越心智系統
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