Day 623—things that changed easily

Day 623—things that changed easily

As I am changing myself in real time in this process while been taken over through the mind pattern, I found a situation that is within those things seemed easily to change, and after I thought I had made a correction and walked out of the pattern and then experienced several times of the similar situation, for example the same picture and inner conversation, then I told myself what I have been realized, and I put it down, thought it had been changed and alright, but then afterwards because of the triggering from another similar stimulus, I found the same energetic manifested pattern became even harder to transcend, so I have to use more longer time to face and deal with the situation. Now I would like to illustrate about how it goes this way a bit.

Firstly, when a pattern showed up, I thought I had done all the relevant deconstruction through writing , however I still neglected another layer of the structure. For example, when someone A talked to me about how B had achieved something, I felt uncomfortable and at the moment I saw this is because I compared myself to B and created the competition and thus that was the jealousy construct, thus I went deal with all that construct towards B as possible. However after the dealing the same picture of A talking to me is still coming up with the negative energy, then I believed I had done forgiveness and thus I could release the energy more easily and yes it seemed I did, but after several times of doing this, I found the next time when A came to me and talked about the similar thing of B again, then I found more energy coming and even faster and I could just react right away towards A. Then after that I finally found I had also created hostility towards A for what A did to me but didn’t find it and thus never deal with that before.

Thus from here I know when the patterns and points I thought was deconstructed thoroughly coming up again, I could have seen it earlier that if there is any other layers that didn’t deal with, because the part hadn’t been dealt with is getting more energy within itself and waiting for the personality reaction to be triggered.

Also I observed when a patter or point has been deconstructed, though there would be still some memories and pictures coming up through the triggering by the similar stimuli, there won’t be much energy charge within it, and it won’t coming up so often within a short period of time, and won’t make me to be aware and find it only in a relatively latter time, therefore when the memory shows up too frequently and not so easy to be detected, it means there are some layers that I haven’t dealt with yet.

And, when I made myself stayed in some memory and then noticed the pattern then stopped I need to be aware that the energy dimension been released too, since if I thought it can be stopped and changed easily then it would be fine, but there is still energy suppressed within the body, I probably just shifted my attention instead of completely released the pattern or point, so it can be accumulated and would become a bigger reaction from some other stimulus or trigger points in the future.

So these are some observations in relation to real time change to remind myself and the final thing I know is no matter what other situation that would cause the real time change not so effective, I should just keep going to correct and change.

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Day 622—容易改變的小事

Day 622—容易改變的小事

在我現階段盡可能地在被心智模式接管的當下改變自己的進程中，發現到一個現象，就是在那些看來容易改變的小事裡面，當我以為輕易的做了改變而走出這個模式之後，同時往後也經歷過了幾次的這樣的情形，例如同樣的畫面和內在對話，然後我告訴自己已經領悟的事情，然後放下，以為已經沒有事情了，卻在後面因為另一個刺激的引發，發現同樣的模式竟然又成為難輕易超越的能量顯化，於是必須再次使用較長的時間面對處理的情形。現在分析了解一下這個過程是怎麼一回事。

首先，當一個模式出現之後，我以為徹底的做了一個層面的解構，卻忽略了同時已經涉入另個層面的結構。例如當某人A在我面前說到另個人B在某事物上面的成就時，我感到不舒服，當下我看到明顯的是我與那個人做了比較而產生競爭，於是那是忌妒的結構，於是我便去解構那個忌妒層面，但是同樣與A對話的畫面仍然出現並仍不舒服，以為解構了就放下，但放下幾次後，發現當在現實中與A又出現了類似的對話時，我反而即刻產生更大的能量反應。然後才發現我對於A在我面前說這件事情也產生了敵意，卻是我先前忽略的結構，因為我同時對A關係的認知所阻擋。所以由此可知，當以為徹底解構的事物又以同樣畫面出現的時候，應該及早去看當中是否還有其他層次沒有處理，因為那個沒處理的部分正在悄悄的在記憶中累積它自己的能量，伺機在下個刺激出現時做出人格反應。

同時，我觀察到當一個模式已經被解構的時候，雖然有時候舊的記憶仍會浮現，但是除非是有其它類似的刺激引發的畫面，卻不會有什麼能量負荷在其中，也不會短時間內頻繁地出現，出現的時間也不會令自己耽溺當中過久才發現，因此當記憶還是較頻繁出現而且不易覺察時，就是個指標說明仍有層面沒有處理到。

另外，當我令自己在某個記憶中停留了一會後覺察到這個心智模式並且停止，也同時要留意將能量也要釋放掉，如果以為它容易停止或改變就可以了，還是會有能量殘留的話，我可以變成只是轉移了注意力而並沒有處理完畢這個發生，那麼它仍然會累積並且成為在未來的類似刺激中產生大反應的可能。以上便是可以分享出來提醒在改變自己的進程中的朋友的一些觀察。

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Day 618—我的上台經驗 1

Day 618—我的上台經驗 1

在我的諮商工作中經常遇到學生和客戶面臨上台的說話焦慮經驗，在此我分享一下我個人在這個區塊的發展過程。

我由一個情緒極端的幼兒長成到一個可以穩定自己情緒的漫長自我療癒/校準的過程中，一個具有代表性的成就，便是我的上台演講經驗，也就是由最開始在小學班級裡面的說話課中站在台上只能低著頭說給自己聽，一直到現在站在千人面前也能夠在僅有主題的情況下由開始一直說到結束而能穩定表達的一個改變。

我怎麼做到的。可以由好幾條線來講。可以由我如何經由了解我的情緒感受而克服它們的過程。可以由我如何經由不斷地給自己機會練習上台的嘗試錯誤的過程。也可以由我上台的出發點和使命的過程來講。其實這些過程總是合併一起進行的，它根本其實包含了我所有人生的找尋和領悟和實踐。但我就挑些明顯的經驗和例子來說明在當中領悟和改變的過程。

關於上台演講的恐懼，記得在我六歲第一次上台的時候，看到自己只能低著頭用只有自己聽得見的聲音說給自己聽，我知道我比其他人更為害怕，而且也因為我和其他人不同而羞愧，而且似乎理所當然認為那就是我存在的方式，我逐漸發現我在許多事物上面都是非常害怕擔憂的，尤其在與他人相處的時候，也包括害怕死亡這件事情，害怕一切都會再也沒有的感覺，同時我也極力的想要獲得家中養育者的認同，因為她顯然對我誤解很大但我沒有能力說明清楚我自己。

面對人群和陌生人以及難以溝通的長輩，我都害怕且絕大部分時候難以開口說話，這個情形一直持續到我上了專科學校。而一個相當關鍵的轉捩點是在曾與我相當親近的爺爺過世後，那時我十七歲，一天我在學校的座位上照例思索著內在的一切，突然間好像某個靈感來到，我問自己最害怕的會是什麼，而什麼又是那個沒有人可以反駁的真相? 因為我需要一個可以站立的答案，我需要克服那個害怕的困境，我了解我真的不只是這樣而已。

然後我給出自己答案，我最害怕生命的結束，因為那就是一切的感知和可能都沒有了，而目前我所具備的生命，是沒有任何人能夠反駁的一個絕對的真相。於是我告訴自己，那麼這世上還有什麼我不能去做和害怕去做的，而那麼多的選擇中我要做的是什麼，我要做的是真正對的事情，並且我要能夠證明出來。於是一個新的旅程就展開了。在那之後我的成績由在班上後段變成接連拿獎學金，開始當班級和社團幹部，在學校成為一個活躍的腳色，很有趣的在這期間我也開始長高，由一個原本一直是班上最矮小的長到一個平均的高度。而因此我的變化和自信逐漸令我有個使命要去認識更多關於人類心理和存在到底是怎麼一回事，同時也要將我的過程傳達出去給更多人知道。

在決定念大學後就念了第一和唯一志願的心理系，記得我終於第一次在一個心理測驗的課堂報告機會裡面真的嘗試去將我的了解傳達出去，在當中我發現自己長期在吸收資料的方式中自然有一種優勢幫助我去理解資料，於是也比較容易去傳達。這也是我觀察自己在那個”開竅”的時間點的前後的差異，在那之前，我讀教科書的原因是師長的指示，關於讀好書可以養活我自己和被人看得起等等的原因，但後面是我自己給自己的人生目標和理由，所以我在念書的時候，我是在看這些資料如何支持我找到答案和完成我的目標，在當中我總是一個主體，資料要嘛比我的所知有更高或廣泛的觀點，那麼我就將它放進來與原有的資料校準，要嘛並不符合我對生命的觀察，那麼我就跳過或批判，於是當我上台報告的時候，報告的就是我所自主篩選過的希望聽眾能夠有所獲得的東西，而不只是外來訊息的傳聲筒。

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Day 615—How I use my hot flash to support myself 8

Day 615—How I use my hot flash to support myself 8

 

Some final notes

 

Starting from 5 years ago and only stopping the most obvious reaction from hot flash, to treat it with medical treatment since last year, to really face and observe and investigate everything from and into it and deal with it accordingly since 5 months ago, till now I am almost not been affected by the almost diminished symptom, yes, I stopped the symptom before through medicine but not in a systematical way and taking the responsibility to the extend as this time.

 

Therefore, within these processes, I have gone through quite much mind reactions and design and learned things from them, and through all these I also found I become even more sensitive or I can say intimate to my body condition, not only that I can detect some mild pains and the movement in my solar plexus, I also had this experience and confidence to trace back my mind process within it so I can give myself chance to deconstruct them, and when I meet some bigger body effect, I would follow a rather stable process to deal with them as possible. However, all needs the first step of willing to see for myself and to walk the process constantly and consistently with discipline to provide self the chance to walk into this stage and continue the process to the next.

 

Also what had been going on here is also this tendency of mine that I would always want to fulfill my learning goal through a realistic and systematic way and then really applied them step by step to reach the goal. And within it I am aware of that it is always in a way an experiment of myself within which I would get a temporary conclusion from what I gathered and then tested it and cross referenced it and sometimes when I got more information I would adjust my way of doing it if it is seen to be necessary, and thus I mean I had applied it within this process of dealing with the hot flash, and since now I only dealing with them from what I realized, then I might integrate more and correct myself in the future. Therefore here I am mentioning and sharing this process so people could make it a reference for their own experience or experiment.

 

I recalled in the early stage when I had observed something from my hot flash and found some effect on dealing with it, my DIP course buddy reminded me to share the process with people since there are so many people are encountering this situation. I bore that in mind but knew I was not ready for that since I figured I still need some more observation to see if the diminishing of the symptom is really in relation to what I have done to stop the mind and body reaction, and the connection between the symptom and the mind pattern is still uncertain and I knew I can do more about it. So, after another several months’ information gathering and working, I finally had enough feedback to share the result with people. Within this process I also meet a point to learn and realize instead of expecting more from people and myself, here can be a place where I just got enough to share. Thus here it is.

 

 

 

 

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Day 614—How I use my hot flash to support myself 7

Day 614—How I use my hot flash to support myself 7

Parallel process

One thing that I reveal for myself within the process is that there are actually multiple processes we can move ourselves in a parallel way as possible.

Sometimes before I watched people busy on looking for the mind source for a body condition then I had this question coming up that why bother to find the sources of body symptoms, because they can be everything from multiple dimensions of mind system and through walking the process we are going to deconstruct everything after all! At the same time I was actually lacking this experience and confidence to deal with those old symptoms and body pains, I was too familiar with them already as consequence for so many decades, and it seemed I can still get along with them “so far so good”, and the sources of the conditions are such “huge issues”, can I really manage those issues after I got something about them? Thus I did not see that a path as an option for me. However, providing myself enough information and time to work with myself, now I see it actually can be a parallel process.

In the stage of the observation from my hot flashes, I had seen that within the days indulging myself with full of thoughts, the symptom would be more serious than the days I had much less mind activities. Thus, yes, if I can just stop everything, things would become much easier. So, then, obviously I didn’t just stop the mind activities effectively on daily basis. Except my own responsibility for the mind functions, I realized it still needs a process to allow myself some more experiences as applications, feedback, evidences, cross references, then the confidence from those experiences and also more of the clarification from information and the relations between things, until I went to this point that I was ready to conduct something more.

Then now with some more experiences and confidence through my process, and with all the information and clarification in relation to my hot flash, I came to the point to see and realize this is where I am ready for facing this body consequence to assist myself, I saw the symptoms can be served as immediate feedback for how I could effectively stop my personality patterns on daily basis, so I then applied everything I learned and obtained from everywhere to solve problems for myself. As I can really see how I practically change myself to diminish the symptom, I realize this practice actually supports my entire process.

I know it is not I must need such body conditions to support myself, nor should I wait until something become serious and unbearable then I found I must do something about it, actually as adults we all had something or another on the body to remind us what we had done to ourselves, and thus can through the symptoms to walk the process even faster, and from common sense we know it would take longer to change if overlook what has been manifested on body, thus even the mild body conditions can always reminds us to discipline ourselves more.

Further, with the fact that some long-term bodily consequence were formed through time, we might not terminate them so effectively in a short period of time, like now I am on the way cease the hot flash by using hormone treatment, it then would no longer become the feedback for how I deal with the relationships and other things, thus what always there support myself is the ordinary process I am constantly walking. Therefore we actually need parallel processes, as the matter of fact, in this process there has been evolved multiple parallel processes together at the same period of time and they certainly can assist and support each other.

To be continue…

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Day 613—How I use my hot flash to support myself 6

Day 613—How I use my hot flash to support myself 6

Reactions towards my hot flash

After all the work I mentioned in the previous sharing, there left about half times of the hot flash occurrences in a day comparing to the beginning stage. However, not long after I enjoyed the accomplishment, I went to the opposite state of the mind. Obviously, at this stage while focusing on the process of dealing with the symptom, I had manifested the polarized mind reaction patterns and consequences towards the hot flash and myself and the all treatment process, and also ignored and accepted the mind process. Here is my observation.

With the worrying and fearing of the symptom in the beginning, to the exciting and amazing of the information gained from kinesiology, and the desiring and expectations for the perfect outcome during the dealing process, to the satisfaction and enjoyment of the accomplishment, and then finally, I indulging myself in the disappointing and blaming for the last part that seemed I cannot do anything more about them. Thus then I take the chance to introspect the reaction process including the mind and physical reactions and all the backchats in my DIP assignment which required me to investigate the fear preprogramming pattern in daily life.

One observation is that in the final stage I observed the hot flashes still has a few emotional ones as well as plain heat ones, my frustration can be easily triggered by the former, and then create backchats patterns, except the believe that I got more responsibility for the emotional ones, it seemed I also took on the emotional energy to create more energy and personalities.

And from what I was blaming myself and the hot flash and the process, I see my hot flashes was in a way taking placed from two kinds of resources or effects, one is the long-term mind pattern consequence manifested in physical, one is the current backchats and reactions from immediate or short-term environmental stimuli. I have learned from quantum mind serious interviews from EQAFE that we can only be aware of the consequence of the quantum mind’s and quantum physical’s effect, therefore what we can do is to not to participate the reactions of the mind and to find the things trigger the reactions and do self-forgiveness for the points and mind structure to prevent from it in the future and thus change oneself. And through such works I could and already reduce about half of the hot flashes, however it would not be possible to just undo them all within such a short period of time, but require deeper insights through time and also physical support, for the existence of the symptom still shows me that my body is damaging itself through the long term consequence condition.

On finding the answer to understand how far my process can do about it and decide the treatment afterwards, I discussed it with my buddy, and found her reply confirmed the answer already within me, then, what I need to do is just to stop the old mind reaction patterns towards the hot flash and myself and proceed the next stop, which is to go to the doctor for medical treatment to support my body.

Now I just done a month’s dosage of the hormone treatment and now I got only a couple of times of mild hot flash a day, and then doctor offered me the continuous prescription and suggested me to use it according to my own estimation. What I would do is to take as small amount as possible with my process to ease the symptom.

To be continue…

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Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5

Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5

Other emotional points

With the end of stomach point, I identified other emotions that would relate to my hot flashes, such as irritation and anxiety which related to my everyday life activities. They would involve in very immediate environment stimuli and the reaction would start from a bigger area of my body above from the middle chest and back area to the middle of my head region and I would feel the heat slowly emerged from this part. It’s quite similar with type of hot flash with the plain heat, but it can be sensed that there was an uncomfortable emotional source which starts the whole thing.

When I found these situations that different types of emotions would relate to the immediate environment stimuli or situations easily to be ignored in the busy life, from just a sight of something, or a very quick perception of the mind that I were not aware of and there even has no thought involved then the next thing inevitable is the setting off of the hot flash, and from the observation I felt the panic towards my process, I figured this is the kind of mind reactions as physical backchat happened in the quantum mind and quantum physical levels described in the quantum mind interview series of EQAFE, but how I can do anything to stop the reaction processes from those things seemed randomly occurred around me now and then? God knows how much countless things are there waiting really? Is it possible for me to walk through them all?

However I also see at least the good news is that through my hot flash experiences I proved there are things there reveal themselves for me and thus I got chances to do something with them, better than just sitting there and do nothing and react to what is there actually supporting me, thus I decided to on the one hand to even slower my movement and thus to face the irritation mind structure within me, and on the other hand to trace back and recording those stimuli and instances from the environment while I experience those hot flashes, they would be like when I was measuring some proportions; picking something from a pile of things; dealing with a puzzle; reading some information without understanding; a kind of exhibiting way of a store, and so on. Thus the next time before I go into the similar environments or join these similar activities I can remain myself to breath and focus on the physical reality.

And yes, it also worked, at least for those I can identified circumstances I can just slow and calm down myself from rush into them and thus prevent the irritations and thus the hot flash happening, and from what has been worked successfully, I got more confidence to keep on going dealing with these mind patterns.

To be continue…

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Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4

Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4

My stomach point

Remember I described about how my stomach ulcer also became an initial point for episodes of hot flash within which I would sense a burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach? So, in the next session of Kinesiology I asked about my stomach point.

I had ulcer since I was 13, and since that it seemed I never really fully recovered from that, and it is always like having some level of mild ulcer, and this situation also makes me not easy to sense the changes and different emotions on solar plexus. Beside that I also have gastritis like once a year. However, for dealing with all the stomach experiences for such a long time, I was sort of used to it and getting along with it quite alright.

What was testing out in kinesiology is that it's in relation to the thoughts from violent, nasty and superior nature in my mind that I react to with judgment and suppression, so the stomach problems would be a consequence of my judging and hiding of those thoughts coming up in my conscious mind, and furthermore, I became addicted to an over active mode as a self-compromising way to deal with the pattern, for example, I would act too fast and effective to correct my action towards the nature that I want to hide, thus I didn’t slow down enough to see the process of the pattern and change the judgment and suppression entirely, and within it, I realized quite interestingly, there is such pattern as over correction and over action which are still mind functions that imply suppression and self-judgment.

What I had being quite known about my stomach history is that it was coming from how my family adults made efforts to oppress my temper since I was a kid and how I nurture the mind in trying hard getting all the evidences to fight back that I was better and right during my growing process, and obviously I still didn’t gave up the self-judgment towards those personalities and thus I was still confirming and defining myself as that was who I am, so fortunately now I got the feedback from kinesiology to see how I need to still working on it and to make absolute decision.

And for the part of self-compromising on over active, I now can be more aware of from the introspection of the instances of how I had activated the pattern in a hasting pace within working environment in the near past, and within it I see how the whole pattern can be activated and done within seconds within which I didn’t allow myself to see and only left the sudden painful stomach there as consequence and then I realized how it is this wave of ulcer as consequence coming from, so I can then through the realization dealing with the pattern.

However, since I was in the summer vacation the work load was much less then, the pattern didn’t have much effect on my stomach, and after I also had dealt with the stomach with watching my diet and the treatment of camellia oil, with the gradually alleviated symptom, the hot flash pattern of the stomach point was also gone.

To be continue…

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Day 610—How I use my hot flash to support myself 3

Day 610—How I use my hot flash to support myself 3

Kinesiology  

In the session of Kinesiology the Kinesiologist told me that in relation to my hormone problem, what tested out was that mostly it has something to do with my internal conversation in relation to a specific person which is my father, and those backchats towards and in relation to my father are charged with positive feelings as well as negative emotions and those emotions also been tested out is insensitive, reserved, weary, cold, uncaring and unresponsive, which already become my own emotions patterns through copying and learning from and with my father to protect myself as a protection mechanism and those are located in the mind level of subconscious, unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical.

Within the session I also crossed reference and clarified some other questions related to hot flash and thus I knew the intensity and duration would be influenced by the level of what is going on in the mind that I am participating and believing in my backchat. And I also confirmed the royal jelly and exercise is helping, also I can massage my foot to ground myself, and I got some suggestions of EQAFE interviews to support my process.

I was quite astonished and excited to know all these information at once, and with the backchat in relation to my father I recalled not long ago I had a thought about he didn’t response to my recent sickness with a slight of those emotions attached to it and also some memories of my childhood, however I actually dealt with the major conflicts and emotions towards my father in my teenage years and that had made us quite in an equal communicated relationship for a long time already.

Then I realized, yes, those emotions and personalities has become me already, and that belongs to one of my major personalities and for recent two years since I am actively making friends and finding potential partners and which is quite an emotional process…, so obviously, I had applied those mind patterns to those potential partner relationships, it could be the reason my hot flash was getting serious and it is clear that I still had quite some mind patterns need to face and to stop the relevant thoughts and memories and thus solve problems with my relationship and my body conditions.

Now I got the names and clues of emotions related to my relationships and personalities which manifested as the backchat in the mind, so every time when the hot flash coming, I can be more easily aware of and trace back to the internal conversations and imaginations in my mind that had things to do with the emotions and relationship personalities.

It is quite an interesting journey for me to investigate and analyze all the connections and sources, and I also in the end of a day wrote down the memories I can assess to those thoughts and emotions, and within the realization I deconstruct and do self-forgiveness and commit myself to stop those internal conversation towards those relationships. Since I had dealt with my relationships for years, it is now more easy and effective, although there are still some of the hot flash that I don’t have clear clue where they are coming from, however merely doing this part had already reduced some of the occurrences, so the hot flash pattern everyday new become the immediate feedback point for how effective I can dealt with and stop the relationship patterns.

To be continue……

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Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2

Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2

My observations

Then I gradually found sometimes this depression burst becoming the very first part of my hot flash, well perhaps it’s always is but I didn’t notice that because in the beginning the hot flash was not so matured and strong enough. Then I wanted to just stop it like those successful situations but found I actually cannot stop it and had to wait until the whole body heat walked its own period. Since I had walked my process and become more aware of my body, I decided to observe it closer and took notes about the occurrences.

I started to note down every occurrence of the hot flash, includes the time, the environment, the duration, and the intensity, and it’s about a dozen times a day and a couple of times at night and it would wake me up now and then, and it sometimes strong and long but sometimes weak and short, however, I didn’t found the connection with the environment except the hot temperature but had this feeling that it might has something to do with what I am thinking, but for me those things happened in my head are the memories of old things, new ones, plans, coming and going one after one as usual, which are things so familiar to me within which I didn’t clearly see emotions that caught my attention, therefore are there really a clear connections between them and the hot flash? how can I see the connections?

During that time another thing happened to my body which is my old stomach ulcer problem backing again, and it is the feeling that my stomach would feel a big chunk of something there stuffed in the middle of my body and suffered more during digesting process and all I know is that it has something to do with a period time of hard working during which I maintained a certain level of anxiety.

Thus I found there are at least 3 different kinds of initial points to start a hot flash at that stage:

1.     A burst of strong depression feeling occurred in the middle of my head region within which I can sense a heated rusty choking smell thing gush in from behind my nose and eyes area and then into the whole head, neck and upper buddy area

2.     A burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach area and slowly up to the upper body area

3.     The plain heat feeling slowly sneaky out of somewhere of my body and then eventually cover my upper and other area of my body

And within these observations I found the hot flash/hormone seemed to has its own live and will and would exaggerate and centralize my emotion and body problem I already have within me for a long time and that had manifested within the interaction of events and my mind system during that stage, and also they would had something do to with the hormone state. 

I then talked about this situation with my buddy who supports me in my DIP process, she suggested me to find the mind source of my hormone through kinesiology within which we can use the professional’s muscle testing to know about things in the physical level which myself cannot access yet. At this moment I realize this is exactly where I can find the answers, so I scheduled a session right away.

To be continue……

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Day 608—How I use my hot flash to support myself

Day 608—How I use my hot flash to support myself

Here I would like to share my observation and work with the hot flash experience of my body to provide some context for people who have the similar situation and also during this process to support myself .

I was having hormone problems since many years ago and which caused quite some body conditions need to be taken care of. Until the summer 5 years ago, the hot flash started coming, during that stage I already had an early menopause caused by uterus surgery for a couple of years, and from medical knowledge I know this hot flash caused by hormone imbalance belongs to one of the menopause syndromes which makes autonomic nervous system become dysfunction. And there is another obvious event during that time in my life was that I was dealing with a serious relationship conflict, within which I had strong emotional waves up and down for quite some time already.

The hot flash was quite strong since the beginning and about a dozen times a day, it’s the feeling of body heating up within me and my head and neck would become red and my upper body would sweat and then the whole body is just soaking in the unbearable heat. Since I am already joining the course of DIP to start the process of directing myself in life, I found there are always some emotional reactions following every occurrence of hot flash, thus what I know about it is to just stop the reactions and see the hot flash as it is, and found in this way I can still get along with it.

I decided not to see the doctor because I am sure what they would do is the treatment of hormone medicine, and I have heard long time ago that it may cause cancer and I don’t want the risk so I just live with the uncomfortable. After that summer it stopped and for a couple of years it just happened for a couple of months every year and mostly in summer.

Until last 2 years I found it becomes more serious so I decided to actively deal with it since the uncomfortable had affected my everyday life and I probably could find ways to reduce the damage to my body and life to the minimum. So I went to see a doctor and he suggested that since I still got some part of uterus there is a chance to get cancer through using hormone, but since I don’t have family history of cancer, he suggested me to use hormone but will give me some other prescription like every two month to “wash it away”. So I started taking hormone treatment and about after two months the hot flash was alleviated and then stopped, then I stopped taking medicine and tried some natural hormone products suggested by friend for a month then I am free from the hot flash for another several months until it emerged again in this summer.

However, before I would take another round of the hormone medicine, I tried other things instead, that is loyal jelly and small excises every day which I found can reduce the strength and frequency, however only slightly, and I also found other interesting observations about the hot flash patterns.

The first thing is that before this whole new wave of hot flash setting off, I found I would have a kind of intensive and sudden depressive emotion burst within my body which if I can noticed it and stop it right away without following or creating any thoughts, then it would just stopped, which I saw it as a kind of achievement of my process though I was not aware of the connection between the depression bursts and their sources or trigger points, it would be like before I woke up in the morning I usually found I was already playing with some memories in my mind, and suddenly the depression just burst out and then I found it and stopped it.

Here a history about my depression: I am actually quite familiar with the emotion since I was a little kid, in the beginning it was just the uncomfortable feeling slowly emerged within my body and I kind of hearing it said something like “I would like to die”, “it makes no sense in this world” …, it was just an weird and uneasy thing for me at that time, but with all the events and relationships connections happened in my growing process, the depression had just become part of me and I had spent much time in my life wanting to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling, then until recently I found it sometimes become this intensive and sudden formation.

To be continue……

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Day 607—我是對的 4

Day 607—我是對的  4

現在來分享一下我自己在對與錯的這個設計上來面對和解構這個心智意識系統的一點經驗。

由於我自己幾十年來深深的被這個設計所影響，而也因為這個設計背負著無數的記憶和能量，因此大大的給自己設限了相當長的時間，當中在各方向尋找真相的過程中雖然了解到評斷本身是沒有意義的應當停止，但卻發現這不是一件說停就停的事情，道理和知識可以說得很清楚，實踐起來卻總是來來回回不斷的在內在衝突的對話中卡在情緒裡面。

然而這個收集知識與得到解答以及重複提醒自己的過程，本身就已經在幫助自己解構了，因為這些知識和訊息，已經擴展了我原先限制自己的信念，讓我可以因為看到更多元的現實面而幫助自己放下來。然而心智就是這樣的狡猾，因為心智總在焦慮和快速的慾望的運作當中，所以同時也利用了這個知識與理解的過程來再度將自己卡在裡面，例如: “我已經都知道這麼多了，怎麼我還是沒變! ” “知道這些東西有什麼用!” 好了，這回又卡了，然後自己再度的利用這個反應來自我批評自己: “我沒有救了，我很糟糕，人家要怎麼看我…”，這樣一層又一層的評斷下去之後，負面能量一層一層的累積，又增加了走出來的困難度，因此這裏要注意的就是心智隨時都會利用現成的事物來阻止自己進行改變的工作，包含自己已經協助過自己的過程和內容，因此必須增加這方面的覺察力以便令自己更有能力停住這個過程。同時了解到，因為心智結構的複雜度和記憶的大量累積，這本就是一個需要時間的進程，任何在慾望和恐懼中的評斷都會令速度更加的慢下來的。而且，那又是一個再度陷入對與錯的模式的陷阱。

另一點，每當跟隨著對錯評斷後又是一團情緒包出現的時候，往往明明知道接下來該要書寫解構了，但就是會有一種: “喔，沒有用的，我會看得清楚而後有效的走出這個情緒狀態嗎? ” “我就是這個樣子我已經很習慣啦，真的會有差嗎?” 這樣的自我懷疑和否定現象，然而要瞭解到，這仍然是心智的伎倆，不讓自己能夠看得清楚過程，只是在外面用更多的情緒來解讀和反應，尤其因為自己還沒有建立許多成功的經驗，就更有理由證明這方式是行不通的。

然而，這心智模式最怕的就是你去真的證明和揭穿它的假象，因為只要我們發現了心智是多餘的，並且能夠利用自己的力量站起來，那麼這個心智就要消失和死亡了。因此，就去證明吧! 而且持續的恆常的去做才可達到效果才是真的證明。你會發現不但你能夠走出來，而且你有令自己更加自由和有力量的選擇，你能夠改變自己，也能夠協助他人，絕對的值得。

DIP線上課程—學習如何超越心智系統

http://desteni.org/chinese/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=690

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Day 606—我是對的 3

Day 606—我是對的 3

再來用另一個觀點來開啟關於”對與錯”的視野。

當我們說明任何一個自己的觀點的時候，可以說同時是對的，也是錯的。主要在與我們此刻所站的相對位置，以及我們的出發點是否是一體平等的。

因為每一個人類個體的視野永遠都有一定的限度，而當自己願意表達出自己在此刻無論看到的有多少，都可以是一個相對誠實的表達，所以一個人有可能看到的相對的較少，或者看得方向有偏誤，那麼在表達出來之後，可以更快的獲得更多的訊息以及修改目前的方向，所以相對於更廣的視野或更正確的方向而言，就可能被描素為錯的或偏誤的，但那同時也是對的，甚至我們可以說只要表達出了某個觀點都可以是因為有意願參與溝通而成為有效的行為。當然若能夠看到更多更廣於是作出更有效的決定或解決問題的方案就會是更好的。

這當中的關鍵點就在於在看對與錯的出發點是如何? 例如當一個人看到了有限的觀點的時候，就僅僅只接受這樣的結果，沒有看到每個個體的視野若沒有去調查或採納更多的觀點就會是有某種程度的限制的話，那麼這個對於對錯的固執，就會造成問題，讓自己與他人相衝突，同時令自己陷於無解無效的境地中，這會是自己真的要的結果嗎?

總結而說，當我們站在一體平等的位置上面來表達自己的時候，因為我們能夠看到自己所站的位置是會受到限制而能夠開放自己於更多的觀點，於是無論如何怎麼樣的表達都可以是走在正確的方向上，但如果我們的出發點僅在於以自己或自己所在的群體為利益中心的話，那麼即使我們考量再多或者看起來有多麼理直氣壯，卻都不是朝對自己和全體最好的方向而行的。那麼即使爭贏了，其實也意味著自己總會回到輸，回到錯誤。

那麼我們是如何會讓自己陷在一個有限而無效的的情境中的? 我們為什麼那麼不喜歡輸和做錯，卻總是讓自己回到那個自己這麼不喜歡的感覺裡面，便是我們的心智結構兩極化的循環的設計所造成。

DIP線上課程—學習如何超越心智系統http://desteni.org/chinese/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=690

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Day 605—我是對的 2

走向生命的旅程

Day 605—我是對的 2

我們再來看下一個可以協助我們在我是對的的信念之中可以擴展的點。那便是，引發自己產生”我是對的”的信念的對象，無論如何都可以是一個支持的點。可以由幾個方面來看。

首先，對方與事件的呈現，會讓我們感到是衝突的，是因為我們自己的解讀，因為那個衝突更有可能是因為雙方的角度不同所致，而由於自己只清楚自己的角度，卻不熟悉對方的推論過程，因此才感到衝突，所以這個摩擦點就是在提醒我們，該去多看一下他人的角度是如何。還記得瞎子摸象的例子嗎? 當我們有不同的看見的下一個動作，是去看更多自己還沒看見的，然後看如何整合這不同的角度，僅是要爭取自己的角度才是對的，只是浪費時間的行為罷了。在這當中縱使自己的角度是更多元的考量，我們也不必因為他人沒有看到足夠的訊息而有負面的評價，反而令自己成為可以支持他人的點，更何況我們確實也經常的沒有看到對方幫我們看到的事情。因此在這個角度上我們都在為彼此擴展自己。

而我總是在站在他人的角度上面看的過程中，發現我對對方所有的質疑和責備和抱怨和批評的點，仍然全都是在我自己身上的點，例如我認為對方不需要這麼焦慮或固執於某個點上於是看不到我的觀點，但是如果我自己若沒有焦慮也沒有固執也能看到對方的困難點的時候，我自己就不會卡在這裡了，我就仍然可以穩定在物質中繼續的因應事情的發展，而不是去帶著能量卡點去檢討對方，因此是我自己仍然焦慮和固執在這個評價中而沒有與對方一體平等的站在一起的緣故，於是就在這樣的領悟中，我可以藉由在對方身上產生的反應來走自己的進度。要知道你對對方所有的怨恨和積怨及理由，都僅僅是自己的點，對方對你所有的所謂的精神虐待，永恆的也是自己所接受和允許的對自己的虐待。

而如果對方已經因為看到的角度有限而指認了是我的錯誤的呢? 那麼如果我因為他人指責了自己的不足或錯誤而有產生內在衝突的情況的時候，那麼就表示自己對於”犯錯”這件事情仍然帶著能量，於是同時又看到的一個修正這個人格的機會。或者是因為這個特定的個體的評論會特別的令自己感到衝突或壓抑或有反應，那麼，也是一個機會去看到自己到底投射了什麼人格模式在這個特定的人身上，因為你看到的這個衝突和分歧點，永恆的是自己內在分離點的投射，也就是說自己和自己的分離，於是這是一個再度和自己親近於是和他人解除分離關係的機會。又一個讓自己一體平等於自己與他人的機會。

所以在這樣一個與他人交流的過程中所看到的所有的問題和卡點，全部都是利用對方的表達來自我支持的機會，如果我們是真實的對自我進程認真的人，每回這樣的機會來臨，就是一個該把握的自我支持時機。

DIP線上課程—學習如何超越心智系統http://desteni.org/chinese/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=690

DIP Lite--http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/  (短期免費課程)

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相關訊息產品-- EQAFE  https://eqafe.com/