Day 615—How I use my hot flash to support myself 8

Day 615—How I use my hot flash to support myself 8

 

Some final notes

 

Starting from 5 years ago and only stopping the most obvious reaction from hot flash, to treat it with medical treatment since last year, to really face and observe and investigate everything from and into it and deal with it accordingly since 5 months ago, till now I am almost not been affected by the almost diminished symptom, yes, I stopped the symptom before through medicine but not in a systematical way and taking the responsibility to the extend as this time.

 

Therefore, within these processes, I have gone through quite much mind reactions and design and learned things from them, and through all these I also found I become even more sensitive or I can say intimate to my body condition, not only that I can detect some mild pains and the movement in my solar plexus, I also had this experience and confidence to trace back my mind process within it so I can give myself chance to deconstruct them, and when I meet some bigger body effect, I would follow a rather stable process to deal with them as possible. However, all needs the first step of willing to see for myself and to walk the process constantly and consistently with discipline to provide self the chance to walk into this stage and continue the process to the next.

 

Also what had been going on here is also this tendency of mine that I would always want to fulfill my learning goal through a realistic and systematic way and then really applied them step by step to reach the goal. And within it I am aware of that it is always in a way an experiment of myself within which I would get a temporary conclusion from what I gathered and then tested it and cross referenced it and sometimes when I got more information I would adjust my way of doing it if it is seen to be necessary, and thus I mean I had applied it within this process of dealing with the hot flash, and since now I only dealing with them from what I realized, then I might integrate more and correct myself in the future. Therefore here I am mentioning and sharing this process so people could make it a reference for their own experience or experiment.

 

I recalled in the early stage when I had observed something from my hot flash and found some effect on dealing with it, my DIP course buddy reminded me to share the process with people since there are so many people are encountering this situation. I bore that in mind but knew I was not ready for that since I figured I still need some more observation to see if the diminishing of the symptom is really in relation to what I have done to stop the mind and body reaction, and the connection between the symptom and the mind pattern is still uncertain and I knew I can do more about it. So, after another several months’ information gathering and working, I finally had enough feedback to share the result with people. Within this process I also meet a point to learn and realize instead of expecting more from people and myself, here can be a place where I just got enough to share. Thus here it is.

 

 

 

 

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Day 614—How I use my hot flash to support myself 7

Day 614—How I use my hot flash to support myself 7

Parallel process

One thing that I reveal for myself within the process is that there are actually multiple processes we can move ourselves in a parallel way as possible.

Sometimes before I watched people busy on looking for the mind source for a body condition then I had this question coming up that why bother to find the sources of body symptoms, because they can be everything from multiple dimensions of mind system and through walking the process we are going to deconstruct everything after all! At the same time I was actually lacking this experience and confidence to deal with those old symptoms and body pains, I was too familiar with them already as consequence for so many decades, and it seemed I can still get along with them “so far so good”, and the sources of the conditions are such “huge issues”, can I really manage those issues after I got something about them? Thus I did not see that a path as an option for me. However, providing myself enough information and time to work with myself, now I see it actually can be a parallel process.

In the stage of the observation from my hot flashes, I had seen that within the days indulging myself with full of thoughts, the symptom would be more serious than the days I had much less mind activities. Thus, yes, if I can just stop everything, things would become much easier. So, then, obviously I didn’t just stop the mind activities effectively on daily basis. Except my own responsibility for the mind functions, I realized it still needs a process to allow myself some more experiences as applications, feedback, evidences, cross references, then the confidence from those experiences and also more of the clarification from information and the relations between things, until I went to this point that I was ready to conduct something more.

Then now with some more experiences and confidence through my process, and with all the information and clarification in relation to my hot flash, I came to the point to see and realize this is where I am ready for facing this body consequence to assist myself, I saw the symptoms can be served as immediate feedback for how I could effectively stop my personality patterns on daily basis, so I then applied everything I learned and obtained from everywhere to solve problems for myself. As I can really see how I practically change myself to diminish the symptom, I realize this practice actually supports my entire process.

I know it is not I must need such body conditions to support myself, nor should I wait until something become serious and unbearable then I found I must do something about it, actually as adults we all had something or another on the body to remind us what we had done to ourselves, and thus can through the symptoms to walk the process even faster, and from common sense we know it would take longer to change if overlook what has been manifested on body, thus even the mild body conditions can always reminds us to discipline ourselves more.

Further, with the fact that some long-term bodily consequence were formed through time, we might not terminate them so effectively in a short period of time, like now I am on the way cease the hot flash by using hormone treatment, it then would no longer become the feedback for how I deal with the relationships and other things, thus what always there support myself is the ordinary process I am constantly walking. Therefore we actually need parallel processes, as the matter of fact, in this process there has been evolved multiple parallel processes together at the same period of time and they certainly can assist and support each other.

To be continue…

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Day 613—How I use my hot flash to support myself 6

Day 613—How I use my hot flash to support myself 6

Reactions towards my hot flash

After all the work I mentioned in the previous sharing, there left about half times of the hot flash occurrences in a day comparing to the beginning stage. However, not long after I enjoyed the accomplishment, I went to the opposite state of the mind. Obviously, at this stage while focusing on the process of dealing with the symptom, I had manifested the polarized mind reaction patterns and consequences towards the hot flash and myself and the all treatment process, and also ignored and accepted the mind process. Here is my observation.

With the worrying and fearing of the symptom in the beginning, to the exciting and amazing of the information gained from kinesiology, and the desiring and expectations for the perfect outcome during the dealing process, to the satisfaction and enjoyment of the accomplishment, and then finally, I indulging myself in the disappointing and blaming for the last part that seemed I cannot do anything more about them. Thus then I take the chance to introspect the reaction process including the mind and physical reactions and all the backchats in my DIP assignment which required me to investigate the fear preprogramming pattern in daily life.

One observation is that in the final stage I observed the hot flashes still has a few emotional ones as well as plain heat ones, my frustration can be easily triggered by the former, and then create backchats patterns, except the believe that I got more responsibility for the emotional ones, it seemed I also took on the emotional energy to create more energy and personalities.

And from what I was blaming myself and the hot flash and the process, I see my hot flashes was in a way taking placed from two kinds of resources or effects, one is the long-term mind pattern consequence manifested in physical, one is the current backchats and reactions from immediate or short-term environmental stimuli. I have learned from quantum mind serious interviews from EQAFE that we can only be aware of the consequence of the quantum mind’s and quantum physical’s effect, therefore what we can do is to not to participate the reactions of the mind and to find the things trigger the reactions and do self-forgiveness for the points and mind structure to prevent from it in the future and thus change oneself. And through such works I could and already reduce about half of the hot flashes, however it would not be possible to just undo them all within such a short period of time, but require deeper insights through time and also physical support, for the existence of the symptom still shows me that my body is damaging itself through the long term consequence condition.

On finding the answer to understand how far my process can do about it and decide the treatment afterwards, I discussed it with my buddy, and found her reply confirmed the answer already within me, then, what I need to do is just to stop the old mind reaction patterns towards the hot flash and myself and proceed the next stop, which is to go to the doctor for medical treatment to support my body.

Now I just done a month’s dosage of the hormone treatment and now I got only a couple of times of mild hot flash a day, and then doctor offered me the continuous prescription and suggested me to use it according to my own estimation. What I would do is to take as small amount as possible with my process to ease the symptom.

To be continue…

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Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5

Day 612—How I use my hot flash to support myself 5

Other emotional points

With the end of stomach point, I identified other emotions that would relate to my hot flashes, such as irritation and anxiety which related to my everyday life activities. They would involve in very immediate environment stimuli and the reaction would start from a bigger area of my body above from the middle chest and back area to the middle of my head region and I would feel the heat slowly emerged from this part. It’s quite similar with type of hot flash with the plain heat, but it can be sensed that there was an uncomfortable emotional source which starts the whole thing.

When I found these situations that different types of emotions would relate to the immediate environment stimuli or situations easily to be ignored in the busy life, from just a sight of something, or a very quick perception of the mind that I were not aware of and there even has no thought involved then the next thing inevitable is the setting off of the hot flash, and from the observation I felt the panic towards my process, I figured this is the kind of mind reactions as physical backchat happened in the quantum mind and quantum physical levels described in the quantum mind interview series of EQAFE, but how I can do anything to stop the reaction processes from those things seemed randomly occurred around me now and then? God knows how much countless things are there waiting really? Is it possible for me to walk through them all?

However I also see at least the good news is that through my hot flash experiences I proved there are things there reveal themselves for me and thus I got chances to do something with them, better than just sitting there and do nothing and react to what is there actually supporting me, thus I decided to on the one hand to even slower my movement and thus to face the irritation mind structure within me, and on the other hand to trace back and recording those stimuli and instances from the environment while I experience those hot flashes, they would be like when I was measuring some proportions; picking something from a pile of things; dealing with a puzzle; reading some information without understanding; a kind of exhibiting way of a store, and so on. Thus the next time before I go into the similar environments or join these similar activities I can remain myself to breath and focus on the physical reality.

And yes, it also worked, at least for those I can identified circumstances I can just slow and calm down myself from rush into them and thus prevent the irritations and thus the hot flash happening, and from what has been worked successfully, I got more confidence to keep on going dealing with these mind patterns.

To be continue…

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Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4

Day 611—How I use my hot flash to support myself 4

My stomach point

Remember I described about how my stomach ulcer also became an initial point for episodes of hot flash within which I would sense a burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach? So, in the next session of Kinesiology I asked about my stomach point.

I had ulcer since I was 13, and since that it seemed I never really fully recovered from that, and it is always like having some level of mild ulcer, and this situation also makes me not easy to sense the changes and different emotions on solar plexus. Beside that I also have gastritis like once a year. However, for dealing with all the stomach experiences for such a long time, I was sort of used to it and getting along with it quite alright.

What was testing out in kinesiology is that it's in relation to the thoughts from violent, nasty and superior nature in my mind that I react to with judgment and suppression, so the stomach problems would be a consequence of my judging and hiding of those thoughts coming up in my conscious mind, and furthermore, I became addicted to an over active mode as a self-compromising way to deal with the pattern, for example, I would act too fast and effective to correct my action towards the nature that I want to hide, thus I didn’t slow down enough to see the process of the pattern and change the judgment and suppression entirely, and within it, I realized quite interestingly, there is such pattern as over correction and over action which are still mind functions that imply suppression and self-judgment.

What I had being quite known about my stomach history is that it was coming from how my family adults made efforts to oppress my temper since I was a kid and how I nurture the mind in trying hard getting all the evidences to fight back that I was better and right during my growing process, and obviously I still didn’t gave up the self-judgment towards those personalities and thus I was still confirming and defining myself as that was who I am, so fortunately now I got the feedback from kinesiology to see how I need to still working on it and to make absolute decision.

And for the part of self-compromising on over active, I now can be more aware of from the introspection of the instances of how I had activated the pattern in a hasting pace within working environment in the near past, and within it I see how the whole pattern can be activated and done within seconds within which I didn’t allow myself to see and only left the sudden painful stomach there as consequence and then I realized how it is this wave of ulcer as consequence coming from, so I can then through the realization dealing with the pattern.

However, since I was in the summer vacation the work load was much less then, the pattern didn’t have much effect on my stomach, and after I also had dealt with the stomach with watching my diet and the treatment of camellia oil, with the gradually alleviated symptom, the hot flash pattern of the stomach point was also gone.

To be continue…

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Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2

Day 609—How I use my hot flash to support myself 2

My observations

Then I gradually found sometimes this depression burst becoming the very first part of my hot flash, well perhaps it’s always is but I didn’t notice that because in the beginning the hot flash was not so matured and strong enough. Then I wanted to just stop it like those successful situations but found I actually cannot stop it and had to wait until the whole body heat walked its own period. Since I had walked my process and become more aware of my body, I decided to observe it closer and took notes about the occurrences.

I started to note down every occurrence of the hot flash, includes the time, the environment, the duration, and the intensity, and it’s about a dozen times a day and a couple of times at night and it would wake me up now and then, and it sometimes strong and long but sometimes weak and short, however, I didn’t found the connection with the environment except the hot temperature but had this feeling that it might has something to do with what I am thinking, but for me those things happened in my head are the memories of old things, new ones, plans, coming and going one after one as usual, which are things so familiar to me within which I didn’t clearly see emotions that caught my attention, therefore are there really a clear connections between them and the hot flash? how can I see the connections?

During that time another thing happened to my body which is my old stomach ulcer problem backing again, and it is the feeling that my stomach would feel a big chunk of something there stuffed in the middle of my body and suffered more during digesting process and all I know is that it has something to do with a period time of hard working during which I maintained a certain level of anxiety.

Thus I found there are at least 3 different kinds of initial points to start a hot flash at that stage:

1.     A burst of strong depression feeling occurred in the middle of my head region within which I can sense a heated rusty choking smell thing gush in from behind my nose and eyes area and then into the whole head, neck and upper buddy area

2.     A burst of strong heat and painful feeling emerge from the middle of my stomach area and slowly up to the upper body area

3.     The plain heat feeling slowly sneaky out of somewhere of my body and then eventually cover my upper and other area of my body

And within these observations I found the hot flash/hormone seemed to has its own live and will and would exaggerate and centralize my emotion and body problem I already have within me for a long time and that had manifested within the interaction of events and my mind system during that stage, and also they would had something do to with the hormone state. 

I then talked about this situation with my buddy who supports me in my DIP process, she suggested me to find the mind source of my hormone through kinesiology within which we can use the professional’s muscle testing to know about things in the physical level which myself cannot access yet. At this moment I realize this is exactly where I can find the answers, so I scheduled a session right away.

To be continue……

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Day 608—How I use my hot flash to support myself

Day 608—How I use my hot flash to support myself

Here I would like to share my observation and work with the hot flash experience of my body to provide some context for people who have the similar situation and also during this process to support myself .

I was having hormone problems since many years ago and which caused quite some body conditions need to be taken care of. Until the summer 5 years ago, the hot flash started coming, during that stage I already had an early menopause caused by uterus surgery for a couple of years, and from medical knowledge I know this hot flash caused by hormone imbalance belongs to one of the menopause syndromes which makes autonomic nervous system become dysfunction. And there is another obvious event during that time in my life was that I was dealing with a serious relationship conflict, within which I had strong emotional waves up and down for quite some time already.

The hot flash was quite strong since the beginning and about a dozen times a day, it’s the feeling of body heating up within me and my head and neck would become red and my upper body would sweat and then the whole body is just soaking in the unbearable heat. Since I am already joining the course of DIP to start the process of directing myself in life, I found there are always some emotional reactions following every occurrence of hot flash, thus what I know about it is to just stop the reactions and see the hot flash as it is, and found in this way I can still get along with it.

I decided not to see the doctor because I am sure what they would do is the treatment of hormone medicine, and I have heard long time ago that it may cause cancer and I don’t want the risk so I just live with the uncomfortable. After that summer it stopped and for a couple of years it just happened for a couple of months every year and mostly in summer.

Until last 2 years I found it becomes more serious so I decided to actively deal with it since the uncomfortable had affected my everyday life and I probably could find ways to reduce the damage to my body and life to the minimum. So I went to see a doctor and he suggested that since I still got some part of uterus there is a chance to get cancer through using hormone, but since I don’t have family history of cancer, he suggested me to use hormone but will give me some other prescription like every two month to “wash it away”. So I started taking hormone treatment and about after two months the hot flash was alleviated and then stopped, then I stopped taking medicine and tried some natural hormone products suggested by friend for a month then I am free from the hot flash for another several months until it emerged again in this summer.

However, before I would take another round of the hormone medicine, I tried other things instead, that is loyal jelly and small excises every day which I found can reduce the strength and frequency, however only slightly, and I also found other interesting observations about the hot flash patterns.

The first thing is that before this whole new wave of hot flash setting off, I found I would have a kind of intensive and sudden depressive emotion burst within my body which if I can noticed it and stop it right away without following or creating any thoughts, then it would just stopped, which I saw it as a kind of achievement of my process though I was not aware of the connection between the depression bursts and their sources or trigger points, it would be like before I woke up in the morning I usually found I was already playing with some memories in my mind, and suddenly the depression just burst out and then I found it and stopped it.

Here a history about my depression: I am actually quite familiar with the emotion since I was a little kid, in the beginning it was just the uncomfortable feeling slowly emerged within my body and I kind of hearing it said something like “I would like to die”, “it makes no sense in this world” …, it was just an weird and uneasy thing for me at that time, but with all the events and relationships connections happened in my growing process, the depression had just become part of me and I had spent much time in my life wanting to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling, then until recently I found it sometimes become this intensive and sudden formation.

To be continue……

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